01-20-20
I may not be the best socially, but I can keep up in a conversation once started. Especially if that conversation goes online, always if you have a better way of saying something, present that version of facts, not in the reverse make things more complicated in short, where there need be no added controversies, concerning the current social atmosphere. Its mostly in conversation we listen, and overhear, and listen, and sometimes think that both conversations are affecting one or the other, as listening and talking can occur at the same time, especially in groups of people. Don’t ever be disturbed by the behaviors of others, and remind yourself that its surely not about you, much of what people have to say is a reflection of how they are feeling, not necessarily words drawn upon by your presence, or based upon assumptions about others in their environment, based upon what they hear, as coincidence, or in need of correction. If you are well behaved, one should never have to worry what other people think, I think overtime, the crowds have become less and less obnoxious and/or bossy, a less strong stance is preferred, one in comfort rather than one guarded, Ive noticed. The tougher you are with accepting your environment in, the stronger you are interpersonally and professionally, as not taking things personally, and while at ease, the more approachable you become, and as approached, confidence occurs, when there no longer is a need for perfecting for acceptances or bossing for correction. Its all about how you appear, especially as a blogger, one learns that as described others will be spoken about, and in anticipation of that, sometimes others step up to plate, and make noise, to see how you respond, its just louder … that’s not always about you, sometimes, voices get louder as overheard as people are passing by you, its not directed at you never assume that.
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01-21-20
For the most part things have been going well, everyone is allowed to talk in private to voice their concerns in life, that’s allowable, for arguments to be raised, but not face to face online, that’s really no ones business to see me upset, and do not think it is appropriate to be preyed upon to see if I blow up in public, or make myself look scary to scare others, by things that scare me, that would be an inappropriate use of intimidation and cause for separation of people, to make me look bad, or look ugly, to make others not like me. I waited 7 years to date again and have 2 options, and chose to keep in touch with one who was not fit to be with me, by issues, and the other, not well enough to be with me, given his personal standing as an attorney, which is why I talk to the police, there are ways of dealing with your fears that don’t need to amount to wellness illness, or fear in others, affect the happiness of others, to instill blames upon others and wait upon reactions to occur, to create visual evidence of sides and then label those viewpoints as being the same as. When it comes to mass shootings, being famous was one of the issues, so growing up next to someone infamous, it seemed, important not to enable others through a vehicle created by me, to express themselves from my shoes, so in order to enable that vehicle to be created to worsen my shoes to illness, awkwardness, gay, and something unhospitable and unsuitable for human, life, created a path for empathy which upon being stood in created a sense of illness as standing in my shoes and looking out from my vantage point. That was taking a position of wellness, and upon hearing and seeing my formulas for seeing the world upon not being strong, and making fun of me as repeated, when problem solving on my own, make things about jealously, or trying to be like, or about beauty, as though those were issues affecting my health or treatment of my throughout my life, no I was able to achieve regardless of what I looked like always popular, maybe not the most popular, but always well liked, it was never a competition for standing or wellness in my life, as Im an athlete am a team player, and accustomed to getting well and staying well by going to the gym that is how I feel well, and when not exercising I just don’t feel like myself, and finally now with time available to me, I am able to stay well, by looking and feeling good, as a means to stay well. It just so happens that like wearing a suit, when you look well others treat you special. That is something new to me, not something I ever considered as important used to toughness, and thought that was normal, being girly, or romantically involved, that started in college, new to it, never a whore, not oversexed, mostly focused on my studies. 01-20-20
I think people don’t think you have learned you lesson in representation until the cause a series of events to occur to punish you like you were knowingly an embarrassment, while doing your best, spreading gay offender jokes about you behind your back, as though you were some kind of reject to society your whole life, no that only occurs once people have an agenda, to then take sides, and at the control, make things look different or appear worse or beneficial to their own interest by sending you further astray in life to see how you respond, in those cases I need no one to get back to normal, I have my own education, I do not need help from anyone, to make me look bad in public, or look like other public speakers who have been proud of their protests and subsequent arrest in public, don’t make me one of them, I stayed home for years talking to myself, not writing, and self-harming, there was nothing that my family could do to console me at that point, that’s when you have to stop taking yourself so seriously, and focus on basic life skills, not what other people think or whether you are being made fun of. How could you give all your power away, why because no one wants to be blamed for school shootings or terrorism, its not related to my blog, I just called the police to complain. Don’t say things toward me, to raise conversations that raise hell, that’s not the solution to make things grander or bigger a problem than they are, that’s not the solution. Don’t trust people that don’t know you, if their lives don’t approve with you around, or if their luck doesn’t change with you present, and if they don’t benefit having you around, they will remove you from the equation before credited for having benefited the way things look or bringing in business to their establishment. How could you do that to someone who’s presence was accepted by all, and then treat them publicly as though they are up to no good or coding before woken up. That’s wrong, to assume that if things are about people, that they are aware that theyre being coded to. Focused in school that’s not something you think about the bigger picture, only whats in front of you to read and memorize, but now focusing on everyone else, everyone playing frozen to me, Im not making calls and prosecuting anyone, I let things go give people the benefit of the doubt, sadly the same benefit of the doubt was not returned instead trying to make me look bad as though someone who turned on industries, not helped, and not been a voice of reason later on, who else best should a story be told, than from someone who has lived though hell and back, and understands the kinds of pressures and necessity for refraining from discussion, the issues of others, especially those thrust into public light, to be picked apart by everyone, who would ever want to subject themselves, to negative opinion, that doesn’t make sense not for attentions, or for accolade, usually its out of necessity when nothing else exists to say no, no I don’t think that’s appropriate to subtly make fun of people, why not allow all to contribute now. That is without saying, it is wrong to cause harm to reputations of others, and if my reputation was harmed, then clearly it is expected that I bring no one into my life, situating me so that others are harmed as I was harmed to prove I put people at risk of harm, I committed suicide first, that’s not because my life was hell, things are WAY beyond repair at this moment, just as things get better, those opposed wish for you to resume a worse off life, Im not an offender, I get my record expunged 2020, I got sent to the computer shop, to fix my phone, I got sent to HarvardStone, and I got served a check outside, why? And I called the police to give me a ride home from the bar because I could not drive, and had no money. Its not what it looks like, you see police and think Im up to no good, I don’t care if you give up on me, I don’t need to be here in the first place as unwelcome, just say you don’t want to serve me, and I can leave (2013). Why was that already the case, leaving law school. I was not famous then or with fans. My error was going out, after a pen pals recent purchase, then approached, if out, the that looks like available, even as friends, makes me look bad, and breaks his heart, learning is a process, the best matches are when I stay put, and not a risk, to care about, that’s the main lesson, after self-harming today, it took me a long time to figure out where I went wrong, as a risk to health of others as out, and to myself, as leaving a happy place in life, for worse off, looking bad, or looking for more, or looking for love, with love, one should be content home. Tough day today, enough said, something no one can help me with, staying well when things are going well, and keeping the faith sticking to what works. -This happened after the Asia Trip too, big deals, that perfect air. Means stay put, disciplined.
Im sorry. Leslie Fischman 11-13-19
11-11-19 Ari Emanuel is “an American talent agent and the co-CEO of William Morris Endeavor (WME), an entertainment and media agency. [1] Endeavor Agency is his new agency founded “after the merger of the William Morris Agency,” WME represents “artists in movies, television, music, theater, digital media, and publishing. [2] According to deadline.com, “June 1, 2019 marks the official 10-year anniversary of the William Morris Agency-Endeavor merger.” [3] WME is one of the top agencies according to the observer.com, with clients “Ben Affleck, Charlize Theron, Amy Adams, and Martin Scorsese.” [4] Another agency is UTA, which was “founded in 1991 following the merger of Bauer-Benedek and Leading Artists.” [5] UTA’s clients include: “Angelina Jolie, Channing Tatum, Chris Pratt, and Mariah Carey.” [6] -Where does mymollydoll.com stand in the mix, as a friend of the Son who’s father founded UTA, he was the one who helped get me sober December 2006, and attended rehab shortly thereafter at Boulder Community Hospital, later graduating with Honors Cum Laude in Sociology, at CU Boulder. One of Bauer’s client’s Jim Carrey was recently struck by the suicide of his girlfriend, similarly we were recently struck with the suicide of Saoirse Kennedy Hill, a mental health advocate [7] and Asian pop star and beauty icon “Sulli.” As soon as I heard the news, I checked myself into UCLA Resnick Neuropsychiatric Center, for Bipolar, and attended an IOP, which I finished, and signed an agreement with UCLA, asked to speak about my recovery, my social worker told me that is was the fastest recovery she’s ever seen. After speaking to the LAPD twice in front of my house, leading up to that point, they decided to hospitalize me. Meanwhile, back at the Laker Game, Ari Emanuel kept, moving around, eventually with his hand on his chin, and friend gesturing, I thought his friend mouthed something toward me ... meanwhile opposite their bench area, I saw someone who looked like a character from the TV Show Jersey Shore, with a Birkin bag, at his feet. What about Kate Spade? Of course I was traumatized by her passing, I had attended a birthday party in Las Vegas in Louboutins (August 2008) and was told that David Spade was present in the audience, while Dita Von Teese danced in a Martini glass, I sat alone at the bar drinking, attended with my boyfriend and friends. -After the school shootings it was me who flew to DC twice for $2000, and met with the US Supreme Court, writing down what happened in Law School, explaining to them why I was not graduating and ended up crying. I don’t think that blogging is the only solution to combat hate, but it certainly does an excellent job of bringing the people together on subjects via hashtags, Id like to think that I was someone, who with permissions from the court, was able to put together a tech savy series of campaign(s) via quotes and fashion and music and movie jokes, to help kick start everyone in the right direction, including the sharing of my law school notes. I’m sure by connections, others have been equally affected mental health wise, whenever you are so dedicated to a cause, anything occurring not in alignment with the best interests of others, calls attention to those who are in the middle of the spotlight, and doing their best to shed light on the issues, without rehashing too many negatives, or triggering other parties directly affected by the issues. At this point we may not all know eachother, but we all know eachother well enough to understand the ramifications of mental health issues, and the necessity for causes to protect the well being of those who are doing well in life, to serve as cornerstones to our positive self-development, and not shed light on issues such as addiction and recovery which have plagued many in the past, and led often to times to their demise, and/or death. -What do you think when you see Ari Emanuel, obviously still confident, not as confident or as comfortable as him, but having met SCOTUS, I have a very strong sense of faith, and have taken on a more conservative approach to the wellness of those around me, blogging my best work, intended for books, not for notoriety, or for sharing and stories, shocking or accusatory toward others. That would not be the solution, to wrongfully accuse others who have equally been affected, as being the cause of anyones hardships, or point blames toward those who as they are coming up in life, met with discord, or dissatisfaction, or offended by their sense of comfort and being online and likeability, that has nothing to do with who I knew growing up, and has never affected who I have mentioned or followed, as though by agency only nice to. I am nice to everyone, and get along sound with everyone, and by my issues, maybe some have been able to relate, and those who can relate is not only limited to those who have experienced hardship, its not all about recovery, meeting attendance is important, but its not the end all be all of your ability to survive, you have to be conscious of your wellness and how it affects the wellness of others, and you should always only show up if youre doing well, that’s a great rule of thumb when it comes to public appearances, and if you cant work, don’t work, blogging is my primary form of work, besides working in film distribution on the Lot with Showtime and OWN, whats my connection, my job, and losing a Shorty Award to HBO, which makes my job funny. -If there is any advice I could give to onlookers, it would be to stay strong, work hard, and to focus on yourself, when things get crazy, these losses have had a tremendous affect on the way people do business in each industry Im sure, and its obvious more resources are needed to help other begin to cope with their mental health issues, and stop blaming those for their ability to recover in life, as contributing to the social ills in society, as though their recovery or inability to recover puts them at fault for any illness or suffering by anyone who has committed suicide. I take responsibility for my blogging, I call the police, often they know my stats, and get help whenever I hear voices, that doesn’t mean that I should not be able to blog, it means I help. -Its those who dont care dont get help, and dont fix themselves, or try to better themselves (getting certified) to help others, thats the difference between an advocate or someone who helps to make themselves look better, or to undo a wrong they have done, look like part of the majority, not without permissions who cant help others. What I'm doing online is writing, communicating, and helping to clear the air, not to add more hardships to the table, than there already are, or have been faced. There are many obstacles to being successful one things thats required is being politically correct. References: [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ari_Emanuel [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endeavor_(company) [3] https://deadline.com/2019/05/william-morris-agency-endeavor-merger-where-are-they-now-1202618487/ [4] https://observer.com/2017/11/hollywood-talent-agencies-wme-uta-apa-icm-info-details/ [5] https://observer.com/2017/11/hollywood-talent-agencies-wme-uta-apa-icm-info-details/ [6] https://observer.com/2017/11/hollywood-talent-agencies-wme-uta-apa-icm-info-details/ [7] https://www.eonline.com/news/1061825/saoirse-kennedy-hill-opened-up-about-suicide-depression-and-sexual-assault-3-years-before-death [8] https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/k-pop-singer-found-dead-in-suspected-suicide-highlighting-mental-health-pressures/2019/10/14/1e69a8de-ee67-11e9-bb7e-d2026ee0c199_story.html 379 Likes via blogpros.com 11-27-19
Ive had a few pen pals on messenger over the years, one Trump Account, sent a Book to Avenatti, during the Stormi Crisis, and even messaged Lebron James, regarding my previous campaign, where Ive been in life, and where Im going in life, what my plans are. In in between phases in life, sometimes talking to those in the other world, the successful world helps, to get ideas going, and to get your hyper energy back. Its not that its exciting to talk to people who are wildly successful, but you wonder, if they go through the same daily struggles that you do, coping with the present times, and finding their own way in life. Ari reflects that uncertainty, with his recent “IPO collapse.” Whats an IPO collapse? An IPO is a public offering [1], so when latimes.com was referring to an “IPO collapse” that means that he decided not to go public with his company. There are many reasons why a company decides not to go public. It has more to do with "business model" [2] fundamentals not so much to do with who his clients are or have been, in case you were wondering. As he is linked to “President Trump and Michael Moore, Martin Scorsese and Oprah Winfrey.” [3] He is the father of four, and the youngest of three, and has two brothers, one who worked as Obama’s first chief of staff, and the other a Harvard educated oncologist, we have nothing in common, except for the fact that my Brother taught at Harvard and was a Harvard Doctor, and we grew up friends with the Son of the Founder of UTA, another talent organization in Hollywood, Im not sure that makes us a connection in life, or even a distant one. But when I heard that one of his client’s is Michael Moore, I immediately knew, where I got my zest from on Twitter all these years telling movie and book jokes, and writing quotes to pass the time, 5 years of writing on Twitter before working on my first book, I assembled 2017, approved by Brady Campaign and FEMA, as a FEMA student, to write a book. I call the police often, I get paranoid, it would be very egregious to say that Im an advocate, after growing up around OJ, that’s not why, I was a crisis hotline counselor in Boulder 2004, certified, so this is my niche, not something new, but second nature to respond. I don’t think I responded in the best way, posting flyers on poles down Sunset blvd, and Hollywood blvd, in front of the Mann Chinese theater, police offices, saw me taping flyers and smiled, they said BRADY MUSIC CAMPAIGN, and mymollydoll.com on top, and my recent stats at the bottom. When the times get tough it helps to have everyone on one side, we did well for many years, but there have been recent shootings, that have really taken their toll on everyone spiritually and emotionally, of that Im sure. Especially to those who have followed me over the years, wondering what to do next, how to reset the tone, to help prevent violence in the community, and even fires. Im sure that’s probably how Ari Emanuel may have heard of me, but Im no Michael Moore, I worked for the Government at age 22, at the LA City Attorneys Office, a paralegal, so I have a much different vantage point, “1151 subsequent remedial measures are inadmissible as evidence for misconduct” … doing something seemed more important than doing nothing, and leaving law school to fly to DC twice for $2000, seemed like a good option, to be apart of discussions in DC, isn’t that where all our laws are made? I never planned to be a controversial figure as someone who cares, I think that its in everyones best interests to care, but can see how it can be draining, to not feel like your winning in life, or to feel like youre losing in life, if there are additional instances, that prove your efforts futile or not good enough. I assure you that showing up, and addressing those harms, are more beneficial than saying nothing at all. I even tried to start a Shorty Awards campaign, and got nominated for an award for my blogging online, and website building. Although my website at the time, was not fully evolved, it’s the thought that counts, even lost a best friend in the process of campaigning, Im sure being in the middle of everything did not make it any easier for her at the time. They even put me in the hospital twice, when they released her Father from prison, did they time that? Sometimes I wonder what is expected of others to hear when they hear something about someone, what things are made to look like, and whether on the outside, things are made to look a certain way so that no matter what is said, on paper, it looks like someone got released and someone put in, for what flyers? For caring? For volunteering? That’s not a big idea, and that’s not having a big head, that’s volunteer work, that’s not trying to make money, direct money, manage crowd, gather a crowd, or be bigger than I am as a person, it would be wrong to think that anyone who does care, is caring for the sole purpose of making a side, being on a side, or creating a side in life, that suits them, or helps to defend self or others, I didn’t have to do anything, I could have finished my JD, I started the semester, and left. Sometimes people don’t know when to stop, and usually they don’t stop, until things look just the way they want them too, so whether they are around or not, they have made their point, or brought someone so far down, to see what they are made of, as broken, whether angry, hostile, agitated, or resentful, I took myself to Didi Hirsch that’s the hospital that got recommended to me, after being hospitalized 9x, my Father was hospitalized too, why I got a job, to keep moving forward, I don’t think anyone should be brought down in life, to make a point, or to label someone of bad influence in life, then don’t care, forget I posted flyers, and who cares if I die or commit suicide then, is that what you want to hear? Someone worthless, who cared, and die in that memory, or die, as someone who cared, and did their best, and was deemed worthless to a few, who put her down in life. Do you understand how embarrassing that was for me, deflate what ego? That doesn’t apply to me, Im not an alcoholic or a drug addict, Ive had problems, but briefly, not over the years, and my mental health issues, have to do with the embarrassment, of being put in rehab, while in law school, and losing respect from my family, and my best friend, that was a huge let down. So no I don’t think that Im a positive connection in life, anymore, personally, because of what Ive been through and because of how many times I was embarrassed in public, but you don’t see me overreacting about it in life upset, or disgruntled … exactly what are you trying to prove, trying to upset me, hurt my image, and ruin my self-esteem? That Im some crazy Jewish girl, or mentally ill, or a slut, -I can do better than this. Im graduating from Law School, whether you like or not, and if I so desire to can go for a PhD, and wrote two books. When youre dying youre dying, and it feels like theres no coming back, that’s mental illness, and when you regain conscious awareness of your blessings in life and try again, that’s a huge step in the right direction, fighting with how you are treated, and about what meds you get put on, puts you nowhere in life, but below others, who are more well adjusted than you, that’s life! ~Why they say to take it "one day at a time." References: [1] https://www.google.com/search?q=ipo&rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS825US826&oq=ipo&aqs=chrome.0.0l2j69i60j0j69i60j0.751j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 [2] nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/09/what-the-collapse-of-weworks-ipo-means.html [3] https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2019-09-29/for-brash-deal-maker-ari-emanuel-ipo-collapse-is-a-rare-stumble-and-his-biggest-challenge-yet I was thoughtful enough to have included statements about how I have been affected and what I have done in life to help make a positive difference in spite of what my family has been through and what close friends and family have experienced in life, and have done my best to live the best life that I can given the opportunities that I have been afforded. Without shedding light on who I know, what I know, or say names, that would be doing me a disservice in life its not by who you know that you come to identify as a person in life or achieve in life, that’s not how to self-identify, as attached to others, its important to be independent of others, and to think for oneself, and to not have ones life affect the lives of others in the negative, just as one is expected not to complain about later mistreatment as treated in a condescending way as associated to one is expected not to later in the negative allow ones hardships in the reverse to affect their associations in the past, or people to whom they have been connected to. That would be so tacky, to build a website and then as disassociated from my best friend talk about our friendship now, or about her family, that would be disrespectful and lacking good purpose or solid purpose at all, there really is no foundational support that can be laid by explaining who I grew up knowing and why I think the way I think or why my life is the way it is now, that would be complaining, complaining is not the solution to building a better life for yourself, nor does it improve any conditions around you, its always those least affected by your hardships in life, who are most critical of you, seeing things in their most simple form, oh she grew up best friends with, like I was some kind of a tagalong social climber, I lived on 200 N. Rockingham Ave and was a neighbor introduced through her Mother, that’s normal, don’t treat me like Im some kind of reject or person of low class with a poor sense of humor, who is mentally ill and of harm to others, its not by my illnesses that others are being harmed its by the illnesses resulting from people dying and by homicides being committed upon individuals in society that is making people sick, and whats making me sick, is that because I had bipolar and heard voices and took cocaine and couldn’t sleep hitting my head, living in a beautiful home in Santa Monica, the police were called to my house, I was fine, I had just seen my Ex, I have mental health issues, I will never be well, that is because I cannot function without medications, and because the men in my life do not stay, and have been separated from my friends, if I am put on medications against my will and choose to blog because I am bedridden and you think my sense of humor is tacky or in poor taste as though I am wasting my time on earth, than you don’t understand my struggles in life to function and be accepted as normal and do my best and finish law school and be given that opportunity earned for my tuition to be paid, upon being well enough to take the courses to finish the degree which was my purpose for attending law school to finish. #stopsuicide – If you are in disagreement with me do not read my blog you are not authorized to read any of my work purchase any of my writings make use of any of my written ideas or privileged work product produced by me, and use information created by me, to make fun of me, that is wrong. That was my Honors Thesis about our experiences as Hotline Counselors. If you have ever woken up to being sexed, and it hurts, and you were 18 and he was 33, maybe then you were not old enough nor mature enough to handle that type of sex yet if youre new, my first boyfriend, still to this day always responds, ended up marrying someone 100% Filipina and had a child with her, while I was in college in Colorado, wound up dating Julius via Facebook, who left me for someone he met in Denver while out, who introduced herself to me after passing by her in his hallway leaving his apartment, to tell me that shes been in my car before, we lived together at one point, he played ball in Japan and is now studying to be a nurse in NY, still connects with me from time to time, cordial with all my exes. This is something new, men who meet me who dont want to talk to me, and upon liking anyone reject me as obsessed, that doesnt mean Im gay if Im not dating and without friends, it just means Im not right for anyone right now clearly and need to be alone, until Im no longer defective and regain my self-worth, value, a desire to live life without self-harming or becoming suicidal after breakups drinking, the feeling is so devastating, this is why I blog, to fill my time up with other thoughts, new thoughts, be productive, forward thinking, creative, and somewhere people like me, losing 50lbs and being ignored and rejected was the worst feeling in the world, I absolutely wanted to destroy myself, and my cat was dying of cancer, if you just stop needing something ie "men" theres so much more to life, than I feel small today, I feel big today, Im sad today, I feel alone, whats the point .... How I felt everything looked: Don’t treat me like Im some nobody wannabe or an offender or a reject interfere with my earning potential and ability which has already been tarnished delayed with disability in sobriety, and prevent further opportunity to overcome hardship as though Im a lost cause or deserve it. That’s wrong. I complained to the State Bar of California. She can take it court. #stopsuicide. But instead of explaining I was an inconsolable suicidal pen pal, who relapsed on cocaine and alcohol while giving exes blow jobs who would ignore me and not follow up, of course I was insecure running everyday, obviously being thin is not the key to my happiness nor theirs, they didnt appreciate all my hard work and effort, and I could only afford Target, and had no friends, there was absolutely no purpose for it, I still ran a half marathon, its a fun skill to have long distance running, stuff to do when youre alone, perfect! 2.5 hour run, thats so me!
Just because you grew up well off, does not mean that you’re immune from controversies later in life, or immune from suit. Don’t expect anyone having known where you grew up or who you grew up with to respect you, or to be treated as any different than the next person. Its wrong to assume that someone who is born into privilege assumes that they are to be respected by others, like everyone else, we face the same pressures, to appear beautiful and intelligent, the standards of wellness are no different person to person, no matter what your socio-economic standing is in life. To be respected one must have a positive outlook in life, I was raised to always “see beyond.” That is never to assume what others are doing or thinking, and make the lives of others your business, to always focus on yourself. For example, if you cannot function without meds and taken off all medications, then expect to look, behave, and speak differently, than if you were under your “normal” conditions in life, now add to the mix negative judgment, how then is one supposed to respond in a positive manner, other than to stay home, and sleep all day, that was not the correct response to negativity toward me, to become suicidal. No amount of embarrassment or shame or ridicule should ever force one under pressure to not do what is right, always do what is right, “god helps those who help themselves.” It may feel as though you have been backed into a corner in life, sent down, but that’s whats an intervention is, when others who are in disagreement with your progress, seek to correct you in life, based upon how you look or appear, and based upon your present abilities in life, if you are not working or in school and not doing anything impressive with your life, youre expected to take a back seat to the better lives of those who are excelling in life, and follow the lead or suits which put you in your place in life, irrespective of whatever hardships you may have endured, it doesn’t seem to matter at those points in time, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been raped, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been drugged, it doesn’t matter if anyone has drunk you under the table, it doesn’t matter if you have failed, it doesn’t matter if you are doing your best, it doesn’t matter if you have lost 50lbs, and it doesn’t matter if you have an idea, that was nominated for a shorty award, if anyone wants nothing to do with you, they are reserved that choice in life, and without explanation are allowed to reject you and treat you as lesser than in life. That I don’t agree with. For someone with an understanding of mental health issues, I have always made it a priority to help others, throughout my career, to be treated as someone who contributed to any conditions faced by another, was insulting to say the least, how could someone who I have no direct contact with in person, suddenly not feel well and blame me? They will always see you as the problem, and others as victim, so long as they can label you as such, and that’s not a life, I thought worth living to disprove, that took about 4 years to undo the hardships associated with lawsuit, staying home and writing, not being able to get a job, with a record, and while under suit, on probation. My record gets expunged 2020, in addition I got a suspected dui misdemeanor 2013, after drinking 3 drinks and driving home from Hollywood, leaving HarvardStone Bar. No one sets you up in life for embarrassment, if you don’t allow people into your life, then no one can harm you, and that’s where Im at in life right now and where Ive been at for the past 5 years, alone, and enjoying my solitude. That’s not being anti-social, it takes one person to reject you, to stop you from being social with everyone, and that’s exactly what happened. Its not an easy topic to talk about, causes for suicide, but I’m glad I’ve overcome those feelings, and the shame and embarrassment, associated with being sued. When you have no money, it’s a big deal, when you cant afford Attorneys it’s a big deal, when you are not able to represent yourself it’s a big deal, dying is not the correct response to suit, especially if you have done nothing wrong. Many misunderstandings in life, cause others to shun you away from society, affecting your ability to be social, by bad mouthing your condition behind your back. There is a way of thinking about life, without causing uproar, and its called writing, the lengthier the better the picture is painted, its when we short-hand our deductions in life, and what we think, that others think that we are wrong, or have the wrong ideas about life, easily misunderstood, and written off as problematic. If youre a good person, and have always had good intentions at heart spent thousands of dollars fed-exing SCOTUS, then no I do not think that I should have been sued as someone to keep away from people or specific individuals as though I caused harm to them or threatened harm to their sense of well being, not by cupcakes and valentines day gifts, that’s just bipolar delusion, thinking one is in love. When you don’t have love in your life, don’t go looking for it, and every instant connection will feel special, that’s probably because you have had so few interactions, that all new interactions seem meaningful, it could mostly just be in your head, don’t get too excited about life ever, or about people, especially new people coming into your life, that’s a quick recipe for disaster, the more enthusiastic you are, the quicker they are to think that you are just some opportunist, looking to get better through people who are better, and then further treated as less than in life. Its hard to come up in life, and its not by connecitons that you do, its by your stability, and ability to make good decision in your life, not so much the matter with who you are surrounded by or who you choose as friends. Learn to let go of the dust in your life, and not make it your business the problems or losses of others, when people are ready to come forward for help they do so on their own, and speak among people who they consider trustworthy, you may not always be included among them. Just because someone doesn’t identify you as an advocate or respect you by education or upbringing, does not mean commit suicide if you get sued, that’s the bottom line and main lesson of their piece, not to self-harm, don’t do drugs, and #stopsuicide. One of my Facebook friends just died of an overdose, a twin, do me a favor and dont make a losing team out of a team that is already suffering, and alienate me or cast me out as someone who has not contributed in positive ways over the years to everyones well being. You dont know me, you dont value me, and whether I live or die now matters to me, take it to court! cc: #SCOTUS
There’s a time and a place for all commentary, when it comes to what you think about life, the times, and where you stand in relationship to whats going on in the world, its important to care, but not to the extent that you make others around you uncomfortable knowing that you do care, worry for you, or worry for others, who may or not be casted under you spell to care as well. That’s just a system of caring that will never stop, advocating for the best interests of others, call it a spell, to be well spoken and articulate, but its just that, what makes sense to do, to care. You can’t make a big deal out of everything, that’s not the point of caring, to blow things out of proportion, or to bring things up over and over again, especially when nothing presently is concerning the matter, use your common sense. There’s a difference between calling attentions to yourself, and calling attentions to causes, that are not one in the same, one who is advocating for others, should not intend to draw negative attentions to oneself, that would be defeating the purposes for providing a positive source of support to others. For instance if its suicide and self-harm you have overcome, and understand the issues when it comes to attention, rejection, and failure in life, then don’t discuss what caused you to feel that way, instead discuss how you overcame those feelings, and what you are doing now to better yourself, no one wants to hear you work yourself into a hole again in life, and belittle yourself in front of others, left feeling embarrassed and less than again in life, like a troubled case, or someone who is worrisome, or uninspiring, as unapologetic of their past, sometimes in talking about our conditions, we may come across as insensitive or short, that’s because its painful, and that shortness, is because its painful to talk about, self-harm is a way of “dealing with deep distress and emotional pain.” [1] Sometimes we sound insensitive to create a humorous tone to deflect attention away from the self-hate that caused our demise in life, and led us to suicide or self-harming behaviors, none of which is excusable behavior, all of which is punishable, at the ER they put you on a 5150 hold for 2 weeks if you self-harm or feel like self-harming. Never waste time convincing yourself that youre nothing in life, to which road will that lead you to in life, if it serves no positive purpose for you to think poorly of yourself, then think again, how could you build a better perspective of your current situation or better articulate your present circumstances so that you can fully appreciate where you are presently and where you have been, and what years you have to live in life, without causing worry to others, that is not disturbing your own peace by wasting time, in life, self-harming, and not disturbing the peace of others, who may grow to become unhappy with you because you are not successful or are not earning a wage in life, making it difficult to be around you or proud of you. Its okay if you feel like your life forward is difficult, I feel like that, life is challenging! Embrace all the difficulties and challenges that life has to offer, DMV lines, Car purchases, Health Insurance, Rent, Bills, Meds, Laundry, Life is tough! Its meant to be lived, why God gave us so much $hit to do everyday …. Makes sense. If you’ve come this far in life, there must be something to live for, its all a matter of figuring out what to live for and finding your self-worth again. Best you can do is wake up live and sleep each day until you can figure out what to do with your life. Im not even sure if its okay to talk about this, being lost in life, it happens, that doesn’t mean youre coming to an end in your life, its just marks a new beginning sometimes, theres a slow down, and then you pick up again, as you transition into a new phase in life, a new job, a new school, a new relationship, a new home, a new friendship, a new something, theres always something new to explore in life, life is full of endless possibilities, and places to go, it’s all a matter of choosing to live your best life until your options are so limited that you are left to live life as life is given to you to be lived. Live life and have a great day! Never give up, everyone cares!
Reference: [1] www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm Taking a break from blogging for awhile to focus on my health, after adding modeling to my plate on Instagram.com/fischman.leslie, I just don’t think this a good time to share my life, and what I look like, right now, or to share my thoughts when I have other more important things to focus on, such as finishing my dissertation, and graduating from law school. When I am feeling better will take the time to post, but at this time do not think it’s a good idea to share. That is my right to privacy for what reasons, I am choosing to take a break from blogging. This isn’t a meditation center, for others to hyper focus on my words, or my tweets and to criticize me, based upon their knowledge or understanding of things, then cast me out as though I am fighting with others, or in competition with, or causing unreasonable harm to their livelihoods. I deserve to earn a living just as much as anyone else, deserves to. Its wrong to think that someone is blogging for personal reasons alone, and not to the benefit of the readers and the majority. For someone to cast me out as writing in defenses, that is a huge insult to my writing, as thought conspiracy based, and seeking to disprove conspiracy against me, as being part of. That is causing me to self-harm, to be outted as someone who is not fit to be a role model, or someone who is having difficulty on meds performing in life, and working and finishing law school. I think blogging is important, I do not think, that it is important to do everything at once, and be criticized as an overachiever or someone who is a high performer in life, I work slowly.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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