People who think they know your story, like a script will try to put you under in life, catch you off guard, and find a sense of peace and togetherness, knowing something about you, and cast you off, to be clowned on, as though youve knowingly done something wrong, or by your own uses in life, be considered at fault, being on meds, and not being able to go to Las Vegas, is why I sent my friend $200, and then decided not to go to Las Vegas, its not worth buying adderrall in order to be awake, to travel, and to enjoy a work perk. -It always happens that by the time the damage is done, going through your things thinking they've got something on you "a cocaine bag from my old house, stored in an altoid box, in my dresser drawer" not found upon being searched by the police, and later thrown in the garbage 8 months later, in a new house, does not mean I relapsed while a speaker at a meeting, on Provigil (200mg daily) taking as prescribed, and then they added a new med in the hospital Ambien (two 14 day hospital stays), and then another med (25mg) Seroquel in the Valley (and also switched to Adderrall from Vyvanse), to (50mg Hydroxyzine, 20mg Abilify, 10mg Ambien or now 100mg Trazedone). My Boss took me to a new Doctor, we got shots together. She wore a red blouse, and was recently featured in Vanity Fair, she is a Cancer Survivor too, recently hospitalized, texted me from Germany "figure it out" scared of the oncoming COVID-19 virus, prevalent in the news. apparently, but not yet known to me, in California, worried about. She is a Film Distributor. -I think the main goal is always to make things more about women from my life, than it is advantageous for anyone to make things about my own life, to better others. However, at my expense, having shared my life, and not being valued, or looked upon for insights, and treated as some "NY Accent Speaker" with a "NY Accent Story-line or By-line" who's purpose is to connect upon "stories" make people like people as though people are "characters" not allow life to happen naturally, its upon connections to stories that "characters" come back to life, through the lives of people who have lived through life long enough to know, what is them or a by-product of something they have been told, changing how they look or appear to others, together or apart. #worldpeace -Im sorry I relapsed on 1 gram #sober, while learning blogging, how to build a website, and headstart an entertainment oriented method of perfecting the times, with fashion sense "an OTIS College of Art and Design Summer Fashion Design Student," not add to negative inferences of people, professions, addictions, alcoholism, disability, success, ability, or highlight hardships or become a manifestation of something we are not: "mentally ill" or "not intelligent" whether we are bipolar "believe in things not occurring thought to be occurring" protect others from harm, based not upon ones own personal experiences alone, but based upon an understanding of wellness, the good times, when things were going well, when things are not going right, make perfect now. -"The Game is not Bauer!" K. -The only person to check on me upon going global on Twitter as mymollydoll.com back in Westwood, when I lost 50 pounds a long distance runner, 60 days/1 hr runs. To myself w/Jobs and a Boyfriend! #behappy -Happiness to me is doing well, others doing well too online, that makes me happy!
"Yesterday, the Assistant Attorney General for Civil Rights issued the statement, Protecting Civil Rights While Responding to the Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19). The statement reiterates that discrimination based on race, sex, religion, national origin, disability, and other protected classes continues to be unlawful during this public health emergency. The statement also provides information on how to report civil rights violations and obtain additional civil rights resources." 04-29-20 Message Received via Email from The US Department of Justice. PLEASE NOTE: Mentioned to apply to me, currently, not in response to my past, or any incident past, as I am, in recovery. Originally Posted 05-05-20 2413 Likes
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Those who look upon your life or successes with hate and disgust, are people who do not know you, or who judge you by poor decisions made by you, when you were not well, not strong, or weak minded, with disbelief in yourself, and without a strong outlook for your future, or for the future or your relationships with others, able to withstand either exisiting hardships in your life, or whether those hardships existed only in the lives of others, not experienced by you, it is for those reasons that respect is lost, seeing someone as a "poser" to victims, a "poser" to losses, a "poser" to beauty, a "poser" to intelligence, or a "poser" to sobriety or intelligence, as though someone is not capable of achieving without the help or assistance of having seen someone go through the process of change themselves, and recover from hardships themselves, as though only upon being directed by others, thrive, succeed, see, believe, in themselves and others. That is wrong. Don't allow the disbelief and pain of others, when is comes to their acceptances of you to complicate your life, cause you to lose your mind, or become attached to their issues with you, become less than, self-harm, injure your natural language, tone, and presence, become something youre not, worse off, or a worse version of yourself, to their benefit, chagrin, benefit, or to your own detriment, inspire, more to think similarly less of you, as though you are "not special" or "not important" or not anyone who would know better or best how to respond to difficulties in life, and set a good example to others, of how to behave and think, and not think in the negative about self or others, so hold your heads high, and do what you need to do, that inspires you to think you are better than others, whether thats "talk $hit" about people who have not lived life, "talk $hit" about people struggling who you do not think understand what struggling is, make a joke of unpaid workers "as slaves" to any organization, be looked at without "respect" or gratitude for their hardwork, and think that someone who is well is "full of $hit" or because they sound well only sounding well to make themselves feel better, this is how I respond to hate, not trying to attract attentions, but right back at you. Who are you to judge me, who are you to think less of me, who are you to cast blame on me, who are you to think I am something I am not, who are you think less of me, who are you to hate me, as though your interests, divested or not in your wellness or the wellness of others, is being affected by my output, my life, my likes, my fans, my following, or my company's ability in life, to do well, in spite of your opinion of me, thrive, and by thriving, I live life, not to your disbelief, not to your inputs, not to your interpretations, cast me as an "offender" to the best interests of others or cast me out to be someone who affects others "sexually" or is "sexually" provocative or non-compliant, until spoken about, thought about, to prove wrong is wrong on its face. Thats seeing you not with respect, as someone who is not for sex, or who was never for sex, and that because I have a female body, think that because I dont dress in a way attractive to you, or because you do not want to have sex with me, that that means Im offended by you, or think less of myself, as though I am looking well, or achieving intelligence so that someone who does not like me will want to have sex with me, or attract that type of man change them to like me. Anyone who wants better, can get better, its a free country, and if you think this website is about attracting and influencing women you are wrong its about the DYING and the DECEASED, as someone who has experienced bipolar hospitalized 9 times, Im extremely sensitive to LOSSES. Which is why Im alone, which is why I left relationships, which is why Im sober, which is why I write, not to generate attentions for "sex" for "likes" so that I can get "sex" sex is easy living is hard, and friends are easy, jobs are hard, and reputation cannot be fixed until YOU fix it. #stopsuicide <3
Originally Posted 05-07-20 1250 Likes HISTORY THE ORIGINS OF SPECIAL, WHEN YOUVE GOT SMARTS, BUT NOT ALONE, THEY SHINE! ----> How parents DESPECIALIZE you, "why cant you be more like Leslie!" --- Once they dont feel hurt as made fun of, think thats how to talk to someone up!" No its if you do not maintain friendships, THE WHOLE TEAM MOVES TO FLORIDA, to punish you, demote. (Y) #WHOCARES (+)
Is that WHY you cried on the AIRPLANE after hugging OJ goodbye, LEFT THEM IN FLORIDA. If you cant make friends, and your friend, who you were close to upon a move makes friends easily but you dont, and the most popular guy picks her with an AOL account, hangs out with you because youre the neighbor, and over friend or not, wait alone, sitting by a pond, them together. If you feel under pressure as watched, that’s because you did know you were being watched for how long watched, and not being watched openly providing information or insights based upon who you know, try to be like, or because your best friend is half black is why you think youre cool, working hard, but look stupid, because no one who loves you wants to be seen with you, that’s because they don’t want people to know they are with someone who looks like you, based upon what they learn about you, think its stupid that a picture with someone you love is important. No one cares if you are loved, all they care about is what you look like when someone is disappointed in you, and who takes a picture of you why saved in your diary someone you did not have sex with who ended up in jail to say your low class not a top pick and because you journaled and didn’t keep all your friends from high school means youre a F up or a disappointment worth shocking on her last day of school -we knew her, shes not that anymore, and why shes not that anymore, is because she got high, dumped, friendless “shady.” Lose friends, get into college, nap through free period and lunch, then soccer practice. What is leadership, good in sports, selected because athletic “seniority” why don’t you “spread the love” wanted to pick other captains, played duck duck goose at practice, what is this? Why do we have a hippie soccer coach, and the uptight runner, finally got pregnant and cried to us. “Voted Most Shady” ---“a term of endearment” MEANING now you care UNDER A NEGATIVE LIGHT, TO BE CALLED SOMETHING YOURE NOT, LIKE YOU DIDN’T UNDERSTAND BATHROOM SELFIES, GO WHY IS SHE TAKING SEXUAL PHOTOS, BROUGHT UP TO SAY: THAT’S WHY YOU SELFIE BC ITS ABOUT “HER CONFRONTING YOU ABOUT BEING TOLD I WAS TALKING $HIT ABOUT HER” AND I WAS QUIET, THEN HAD NO FRIENDS. ---WE CALL YOU BAD NAMES, BECAUSE WE THINK YOU THINK A BAD NAME MEANS WE HAVE PROOF NOW WHEN YOU WERE MENTALLY ILL YOU COULD NOT IDENTIFY MAKE CHOICES IN LIFE LOOKED LOST A REJECT OR SOMEONE LOOKING PUT TOGETHER TO BE HOT LIKE WOMEN WERE FINALLY AT 30, WHY WAS I PUNISHED LIKE ME LOOKING FIT, MEANT I WAS CONFIDENT, FIRST TIME SKINNY ASKED FOR PHOTOS, TRYING TO BE HOT FOR AS HOT AS, NO TRYING TO BE SKINNY, NOT STOCKY, TOUGH! THE EXPOSURE TO PHOTOS GAY DETOUR AND AFFILIATE DETOUR COST ME MY ARM AND MY MOM THOUGHT THAT I WAS UNSTABLE TANTRUMMING, GIVEN ABILIFY SHOTS! -FAT AGAIN. --- WHY DO THIS MAD "CENURY CITY PARALEGAL 1/200 APPS ACCEPTED DIDNT GET PAID" ---THIS DIDN’T WORK OUT TOLD “COME HOME RIGHT NOW!” ---LIKE ME, AND REAL BOYFRIEND LEFT! YA RIGHT I WAS AN ADVOCATE AND THEN BECAME A VICTIM BY AGE MET TO CLAIM THAT I WASN THERE BECAUSE SEX ISSUES WERE IMPORTANT, IT WAS A 40HR TRAINING VOLUNTEER JOB, HOW TO RESPOND TO A CRISIS, NEVER LOST A CLIENT, ALWAYS THROUGH, NO TOUGH CALLS, HAD TO TALK ABOUT, OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN TEAM MEETINGS, A LOSS OF LIFE. JUST LIKE AT HIW ALWAYS MENTIONED THE SPONSEE WHO DIED, CANT GET OVER IT. WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT DEATH OR REQUESTING NOT TO MENTION THE PASSING, ITS BECAUSE AS COMING FROM YOU, HURTS TO BE MENTIONED BY SOMEONE EVERYONE THOUGHT WAS INSENSTIVE BC IF SAID LIKE THIS LOOKS LIKE THIS, AS EDITED, AND WHEN SHES GONE, NOTES GONE, ITS BECAUSE IT WAS HARD WORK, ARLUKE ARTICLE READ, STUFF DOCTORS DO, HOW CAN THEY TAKE CARE AND LET GO PUT DOWN, AN ANIMAL, THE TRAUMA OF PUTTING ANIMALS TO SLEEP. HOW THE FUCK DOES "VT" APPLY TO YOU AS REVIEWING HOTLINE COUNSELORS YOU WORKED WITH, TOLD: THEN THEY DO DRUGS AND WE LOSE THEM, WHY WOULD THEY DO DRUGS, SHES STILL WORKING ON HER RESEARCH ON "COUNSELOR RETENTION" ---READ A #5 BOX OF NAROPA RESEARCH: TRANSCENDENTALISM COOL, WAS TOLD BY MY PSYCHIC YOU REALLY SHOULDNT HOLD ON TO THE DECEASED BE.LONGINGS, I THOUGHT WHY, ITS FOR RESEARCH ON TRAUMA, FROM ANOTHER SCHOOL DONATED TO US, THE AUTHOR AND PAPER WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WHO HAS PASSED. CITED Originally Written 04-23-20 Removed 05-01-20 3858 Likes I think for the most part, we reflect on feelings past, as a cause for mental disturbance, and feel an incredibly weighing burden to respond during times when things are not right, not necessarily known to us upon viewing others, by what we know, or by what is said, doesn’t really help to prepare us in advance or give us thoughts as to what presently is needed to be said or reflected upon to undo those massly distributed “wrongs” determined without consent, by the courts, following presence in court in DC, and make a public political secret known only to those who based upon their observations of things made in public are thought to state positions on who they support and why, or by what they think and why, and by for what reasons someone is thought to have done something privately in a sick way to “WITHOUT WORDS – A non-admission: HAVING A KNIFE?" (I dont own knives I dont cook.") To say ... Knife DOES NOT mean = 1994 (?) (assumed thats WRONG): Then LATER to SAY How What Other TWO Stories are Known: (1) "Get your fatass in the car" and "you were sleeping did not go to Mezzaluna, and cried in the closet by the backpacks when you found out at school.” A strawberry knife. That is NOT fruit for assumption that I have a sick mind, or without explanation understand for what purposes and for what reasons that knife was kept, as evidence of “how” the knife broke? Was told that Marta broke the knife and to allude to what? About Marta? That she also “broke glasses.” Our housekeeper. What does that mean? She talks to the police because she doesn’t speak good English, also who represented us in: “LAPD: Who tagged the driveway?” I have no idea what became of that. When does a movement start: “The minute when upon a meeting of people occurs, and a feeling of feeling the same, around someone they know, everyone feels good, there are others who know who you know, and you all look and feel the same upon meeting, that makes who is new feel good, they know who you know, then separate you from friends, because they think to, why? By controlling how you feel, sad, in love, waiting, wasting time to spend with them, not attending school functions, why? I have no idea. Whenever there is something about me BEFORE (2013) .. . my apartment was neat and perfectly organized and everything important to me stored and with me, because that is how I feel good and safe. If I later become sick, mentally ill, bipolar feel like something is wrong, and the other is okay, that means that I cannot feel good on my own and don’t know why and the other does care and thinks to let me go in life. What is the common theme of rejections? Hearing something bad about you, reading something bad about you, looking around and based upon a percentage of energies whether to be all about conquesting one inside joke: not smart or grose, and then “Leslie’s class is gased at UWLA, and I walk out” that’s the same thing that happened at CU. Means: My cousin borrowed my car, the tint ripped off, because why? Two Incidences: I was accidentally done in the butt, cried on a balcony, and given a Gram back before Graduation. When did the “VILLA BLANCA” date take place: “Spring 2010.” That was the first date, then Pasadena, then by Michael Jackson’s grave after a Laker Game. Whats your point? I liked you, then I got to know you, then I played hard to get, then you became needy, then I did poorly in school, then I wanted you to cut your hair, and didn’t, then once you passed the bar, I left and flew to DC twice for $2000 dollars, because you did not get the job at the DA in LA, then he moved up North, my best friend moved up North (with the same Stuart W boots as me on New Years Eve, it wasn’t that she touched my boyfriends back, at her Birthday, slept on her couch). = Hospitalized 9 Times (?)
If you have to go backwards to explain yourself, or even forced to go backwards by someone else putting you at an imposition to explain yourself, then do so. There’s no manual for coping when you are thrust under controversy, made to look stupid, at a loss, and overcoming something difficult in life, such as the emotions you encounter when you are made to look bad, ignoring the fact that with sincerity, you were kind to others, respected their wishes, and provided photos via their direction, who would think that upon explaining your demise, you would once again be hurt in that way, when you were down, and had yet to come up in life, popular, fully launched. Usually its people, who want to credit themselves, for your progress, in life, or be credited for your abilities in life, and be credited for being apart of your progress, that seek to be mentioned, and by hurting you, get attentions, they feel are deserved, to take away from you, what progress you have made moving forward, to their benefit, get people to turn on you with them, that’s called a breakup, when sides are taken, and people are at a loss, it takes awhile to overcome the shame and embarrassment that accompanies, a change of heart, or direction in life, that doesn’t keep that once companion in the spotlight, as attached to you and your successes in life. Not only does that hurt ones abilities, but it adds and unsurmounting pressure upon someone to be treated as without someone, tested whether they can succeed on their own, without the support, of someone, who exchanged loving words with in support of someone, who is no longer replied to with an even exchange of love, but seeking to move on, that’s moving on, respectfully, backing off, from a previous relationships, or friendship, and switching care to someone else, more willing to provide for someone, beyond just fantasy, or pleasure, be a real life companion, theres a lot at stake for me, if things don’t work out, looking like someone who benefited from the support of someone, saw better, and because of that support, was able to put together something online, or be put together for others, its usually by self-care, and making the right decisions, that one is able to grow, professionally, by their own experiences, and because one is professional, likeable, or desirable, as a candidate for the exchange of love or companionship. You would never think that at your top in life, or having come full circle, and beginning to feel better and ready to finish law school, graduate, and work again, after years of struggling on meds, that someone would hurt your esteems once you are able to be stable on your own, without them, if its not marriage, one is not obligated to care for someone for an indefinite term, and if someone is more available, to be supportive, and to care for someone, than it’s a woman’s right to move on, and be with a better match in life, who they have more in common with, who will not subject them to hurt, and would not disrespect them in public, make them look worse to others, and ask for photos, when someone is not thinking they will be exploited to all, to hurt or destroy their image, their likeability, make me look trashy, cause me self-harm, and cause me to feel bad about myself, why I called the police, to request that the photos be taken down, and they were not taken down by Facebook. -I have privately supported this candidate since 2017, and have always done my best to inform him, and console him during times of need, redirect his focus, defend him, and provide for him insights, to help him to love himself, love his family, love his life, and forget his past, be proud.
Im sorry no more pen pals, however approved by my Attorney and Therapist, only speak to the Courts and to the Police, keep a running dialogue of my progress, maintain a timeline, be professional, thats for the purpose of preserving the public conscious and maintaining the peace. Personal Update: Due to the pandemic, just filed for Social Security Disability today. Follow-Up (04-18-20): Pictures were taken down ... what a pal, always a diplomat, thats me, have faith. 03-30-20
March tides and spotlights grew And never stopped thinking of you Follow your heart, and find what youre looking for If its not love, then sing your heart out So loud a trolly gone, so hard, my rhinestones fell You cant go back not even from that, so why not a song And as we put our glasses on, we sat and thank In taverns, and green rooms, and even on shark islands What to do what to do, when no one knows you I pitched tree fruit at a tree, with a photo of my face taped up Why couldn’t it be this why, why did it end that way And so I drank, whiskey, and moonlight, and my glasses fell To the bottom of the pool, and then I jumped in If you cant make it there, you wont make it there And if you cant be here, then don’t go there Live life, whether together even or apart Youll be thankful to never stop and sink to the bottom Before your story unfolds, don’t be afraid to sing The loudest tune, to all you know, and be true How many may agree, and find simplicity among they Who understand your voice, not alone afterall Maybe it was he, or maybe it was he, or maybe it was she No one knows, how these things have come to be And whats done in company is never forgotten Whats done alone, is never remembered but for reminders Directions to self, where to start and where to begin A home office dream for me not them And then we met, broken, bought, everything but hot to trot A year later couldnt even choreograph an ending to that Smile and be positive, is what we need, recommended A birth certificate handed, and attorney retained From another case, not forgotten, why a mini mouse appeared Can we just stand, no, can we just march, no, can we write, only in 5 years Why is that, why is this, what was that, why is this, why now And then I sang star bangled and the pledge, has not been forgotten The only three prayers I know, raised well, not spoiled rotten And when the stories collide, an image never forgotten The times spent in disarray, the size that never seemed to budge And the pounds that got lost, never seemed to shine Only two photographs taken a flip phone and punishment Photographs taken, upon request, commissioned, for him not they And what has been forsaken, all energies spent, and troubled Like poison, and collar broken, a 5th grade tire swing sang For attentions broken, not for pain, and not for this broken Whos losses add, another image torn Like crowns and steeples and flying buttresses to a tshirt One from a bar, a high school French drink with a bottom Dedicated to: Joaquin Phoenix, my current pen pal, love, and crush admired. <3 Update: Writing my Formal Reply to ALL who attacked me by phone and by computer, I dont need help from anyone to understand the difference between right and wrong, nor need be convinced Im something Im not, GAY or straight #stophate, for what purposes was it to trigger a reaction by rejection and question my sexuality thats no ones business, #dontdodrugs, leave me alone, I keep a record of everything thought 2013 to now, those are all my memories, without argument, or explanation, need not be used to attack me in advance to me figuring out that other think it was okay to go through my things and make me look bad or guilty, to not speak why (?) ... Causes for Gay (?) Become something Im not, to prove conditioned to think I was (ridicule) (?) I wasn't "Bicurious until 2010" to see what others VAGINAs looked like, compared to mine. That was a problem while dating my EX "AARON BROWN" that was not because I was GAY, watched. Then to prove REASON for labeling me bad I HAD NO ID, OR GAY, OR GENDER, ISSUES <normal>(.) #stopschoolshootings (I already informed Windward of the Derogatory Yearbook) cc: #JayZ Heading: Update: Writing my Formal Reply ... Re: #Film #Production Online for FREE by me, my way of saying, LET me help ... 8:49AM (Current Mood): Just called SCOTUS, NYPD, and LAPD 911, and will do my best to explain to the courts, my behavior and methodology, for coming forward without outting others or assuming, for personal interests, not invested in the best interests of all, and why I was excluded, sued and put on medications for 7 years, that left me bedridden, barely able to finish law school and work. #issue, because of fear of coming forward what it would look like if I fought, Im a writer, thoughtful educated. No one who is educated focused on themselves, attack others, its whos quite made fun of and then as experiment see how they respond, my solution was to prevent voices, its 2020 I still get voices. You cannot prevent voices, by writing in public or private thoughtfully or in humor, well, or retarded, by expectation, or by making oneself look good, its about how others feel and losses of motivation, and who feels guilty or feels like $hit who is good, and whether you cause others illness, irrespective of the illnesses that were given to you by "bad luck" no harms to others are justified, losses of motivation can be cured, so can abilities in life, come back, with rest, and recovery, and talk therapy. Sincerely, Leslie A. Fischman Future Course of Action: Once my brief to the courts is complete and a final version of my dissertation complete then I can present in a thoughtful way a proper explanation of my behavior, and findings, not assumptions, explaining my choices in life, and why I made the choice to separate from everyone. Blogging is my way to document my progress like selfies. Update: Writing my Formal Reply ... Re: #Film #Production Online for FREE by me, my way of saying, LET me help ...
01-18-20
No one is making fun of anyones hardships in life, and anything concerning the records of others, is always something to be cautious about how you approach subjects and discuss in a way to which all can relate, in a balanced way, who as associated to who was affected and how. Its not always by your weakest associations in life you fail, it would be wrong to presume that in an example of a normal life, changed for worse, not able to turn for the better, is like all cases of people going through difficulties, these difficulties are special, and are unique, as by experience and association directly affected, to then try to exchange shoes with someone who as affected thinks, that’s normal that not reading into the lives of others, and correcting interjecting or trying to be like, no one ever said that I was some op ed opinion maker, making up information, that was a joke, to a less than kind quote, after pitching my idea for a campign to that specific startup, not be responded to, apparently it was me on Twitter with a famous best friend that was a joke, that eerie quiet, is not that you are unapproachable, its that arriving without a plan is intimidating to those with plans, trying to configure where you fit into the grand scheme of things storyline wise, whether things are about you and your friends, and whether anyone who is of influence is responsible for the later mischaracterizations or characterizations of them in the past or present as though always awkward, or inept socially, ill, physically, smelley, gasey, on cocaine, in recovery, sober, and when one is high or not using, and how their health can affect others, yes then under those circumstances stay home, if you are not well, don’t force yourself, to be in situation as intimidated by others, react or respond physically in a less confident way lose color, as energy is passed to the weller beside you. That’s how people work spriritually, my Mom was uncomfortable my entire graduation ceremony, I was sober at the time had attended rehab and was sitting next to a boyfriend, we got gased at graduation and in law school both times I left the room, and the ceremony, to see if it was me, it wasn’t. Talk about someone elses graduation, where the President of my School gave a speech about the Colorado government being run by White Supremacists. A little bit of a downer, at your last moment as a student at their institution, that story Ive not shared, the smell, that’s not a story to say I said and why someone who was an offender, then gased an audience, as learning from my experience as shared online, that’s making up information, to cause a connection. I think taking me to Mann Chinese Theater, was a mistake, as I was not aware of why or the purposes for to test for guilt, loss of color, body smells, loss of confidence and physical illness, ask Paramount, I was completely oblivious, in an empty lot we toured. So Im not sure, whether that was as anticipated talked about shared, and if not shared, in the defensive kept private as looking bad, I think I wasn’t sharing play by plays of my life at that point, put in a position of fear fear of others, or fear of being discussed, as the one not well spreading illness. If you think Im an embarrassment, Im not the source of heartache, and if its me not achieving not being motivational enough ask why put on so many meds, sleepy at 5, to test for attachments, as to enable what? Wellness, or to prove illness back toward me more easily, as the down or ill one. 01-20-20
Be careful what you are inferring upon others, especially a person who has been a victim of sex defamation and discrimination from bars, someone who has worked very hard their whole lives a 3.8, 3.2s, and a 3.0 current at my best, be careful the hand you hold if for only the intent to deceive as concerning my reputation to convince someone weak of guilt and to not preserve the innocence of someone who is well deserving always reporting and seeking treatment, then you are sorely mistaken for someone who is a lost cause or a failure, or weak minded. I am not retarded I have worked hard my whole life, and if I am mute its because I so choose to be. Tonights crowd sponsored by an abercrombie zara ad by me, was totally hip and confident, not a worry in sight, solid auras and brimming with energy for a 2:30pm crowd, glad I returned to join them, after chuckling with my ear phones in at the UFC event, did not have 2 margs but only one and some chips and left a $12 dollar tip. Do your best always regardless of who is trying to play with your mind on the street and make world peace jokes, if the purple headphones are not on Im not in the mood replies beatsbydre. And if I go backwards to march in superdry its not because I have pride in having no sexual contact, but because someone I met in my driveway was forced to masturbate on film for award, and now shows up to my AA meeting and does everything they tell him to do, me included attended 30 days of recovery hospitalized off all meds, and slept every single day and every single night in bed, except for smoke breaks, my only time around people, I never socialize in the hospital and am out cold asleep its not a fun experience and not something you talk about, being put on lock down and forced to take meds, or taken off meds, and sleep all day and all night, and then wake up and attend group sessions, tired, rarely occurring. “Where did you get that” my sister enters the room to interrupt my focus, its an iPod I got it at the mall. I just took 2 hydroxyzine and 1 seroquel and 1 trazedone my night meds, don’t let anyone in the street convince you you are someone worthless or a contributory factor to the illnesses faced by others, theyre not attached to OJ and a laws student with TV Shows and movies making fun of their intelligence levels which others could leverage off of and become famous, as in competition with those viewpoints. Whos started that perspective anyways, I don’t care if you think Clueless was a culprit we lost planes, over dresses, and chicks over meds in alleyways, and I fractured my hand in a bathroom hitting my head, for what reasons are those types of pressure put on women who represent men in the industry or people in power or who have acquired infamy that’s not our fault. 01-21-20
Sometimes you get pushed to your limits in life, the best thing you can do is get help, ask for help, and speak to the right people in order to get the help you need. Sometimes things get better, and sometimes, after sharing about your past find yourself reliving old memories of what you overcame 7 years ago as a runner, in public, and how long it took for you to recover, from talking to yourself through your problems, discussion of what ails you never necessitates so much privacy that it need not be recorded, the best way to move forward is to record and move on in life, whether not shared publicly, however that gives no one the right to go through your things, if they are not given permissions to investigate your well being. Its wrong to hurt people, because you think they are being bad, or for worry of thinking they are speaking anticipating that they are not on board, or thinking poorly of others, I think such assignments, such as required by AA, were triggered discussions, about things that bothered me, not things currently bothering me, and upon sharing, became very ill, as well as sharing out loud, my dating history, you don’t realize how far you have come in life, until you are forced to divulge what brought you to recovery in the first place, that must be for the purposes of not making the same mistakes again in life, that is if it is deemed you have been in error in the past. Otherwise theres really no benefit moving forward or going back in life to resume, old friendships, if pried from you something far back to think of anything that ever bothered you, as though affecting your current outlook, or present circumstances, if you have a problem, its never because of problems past, problems that bring you to recovery are problems you have created for yourself, disabling your ability to focus, by not living as best as you can and living up to negative expectations of you, whats even worse is being wrongfully accused of not taking meds as directed and arrested in public, and refused to be allowed to drive a block home, and take your abilify and sleep, even worse when a cab drops you off a block away from home in front of an ex Sponsor’s house, since when is he out on the street when Im running by, encouraging me to return to AA, since when is it okay to be put down, then encouraged to make amends, usually its not the case that you return to places or people you feel hurt by, so for those reasons, seldom attend AA meetings, those are my home groups, but if not welcome, or too difficult to comprehend why someone from a sensitive past has shared in public, its to make sure that never again do we use a painful example as a place to talk about life from, leading back to an even graver pain, and then to lift those affected, put down the storyteller, as insensitive. I think for a personal statement, as directed its okay to mention, to share personal statement, many years later, and no longer 19 as written about, doesn’t make sense, one was my story, one was about another victim, neither story should have been told, as a beginning to a personal statement, best to start with a story about you, that does not include mention of anyone belonging to a sensitive population, later realizing now, if to help not mention who to help, or why, and if to later hashtag to help, similarly, not explain why, as soon as you get questioned in life, the answers get brought from what you have disclosed, as impetus for sharing in that fashion, then if anything piled on later, you cannot keep track of, well you become responsible for explaining what was in error, and why you looked stupid, and what you meant in the past or presently why you are not able to remain stable, even after talking to the courts and the police. I am treading very thin waters, because after disclosing I get help, then I fear others will harm me as representation of who I am being helped by as though to do them a favor, how I got hurt how I get hurt, as hurting me on behalf of those they think were or are victim to me, since when was it declared that I go after people, talk to people, openly share to anyone, its me that gets approached, on two occasions pitched and needed cocaine in LA, that’s all. #stopsuicide |
AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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