By the time you get sick of someone, or are made to feel sick by someone, is the time when you need to rethink how you are thinking about life, and for what reasons are you annoyed, or feel entitled to know anything about a person, in so much detail that everything begins to make sense for you again in life. Im not the dream, I was never the dream, Im obviously no ones dream girl, Im obese, I hit my head, I can barely work, Im not stable alone, I am caused to self-harm, men I have loved turn on me, I get picked on, provoked, or shouted at and that’s not my fault, or not needed. And for whatever reasons those are, Im not your pervert, I not your lesbian, Im not gay, Im not your victim, Im the joke inside your joke in life, Im not your fake company, Im not a fake person, Im not your bombshell, and if Im nobody to you, then good luck in your life, and with your business ventures in life, and nows not the time to team up on me, or prosecute me for being nice or being gay to any women in your life, I don’t need friends, and I don’t need a husband I need a job. Im not manly, Im not discouraged about my looks, Im not your villain, Im not your friend, Im not to be admired, Im not your influencer, Im not your attorney, and Im not your doctor. Every new person who comes into my life insults me, when someone has been shot (thats a time to think about others not just your own safety needs, together on an issue or apart on an issue), when kids are dying from suicide, then you tell me what judgements you have of me that are working in your favor, don’t call me needy, don’t call me demanding, and don’t call me a user, I need a job, I don’t need your money, I don’t need your advice, I don’t need you to record statements from me, to prosecute me or accuse me of not being who I say I am, I don’t need your soothing, I don’t need you to talk to my heart, I don’t need you to get inside my head, I don’t need your friendship or your love. And that’s how I feel presently, then don’t be loved by me, then don’t be admired be me, then don’t trust me, then don’t read my blog, and take it to court, if you don’t like me and you feel like talking $hit about me, then put it on pen and paper fill out a court form hire an attorney and figure out how to sue me, and what have I not already declared in public that Im bipolar, that I attempted suicide (February 2009), and wanted to work for the military one day, that’s because Im conservative, I don’t need you to set me up, I don’t need to get married, I don’t need to have kids, and I don’t need a companion in life, then where will I be without love, or without trust and without money. Im not your homeless equation for prosecution, Im not your quotes diety or someone to anniliate in life, to make better sense of your own comprehension of world history, and its not something that hits you in the immediate, insults, if you don’t think that way you are not bothered by anyone, by the time mental illness takes its toll, that’s when you have nothing, that’s when no one needs you, that’s when people think you have done others wrong, that’s when people complain about you, that’s when races matter, that’s when discrimination happens, that’s when people feel better, that’s when no ones on your team in life, that’s when you get burnt out, that’s when no one needs you, that’s when your help has become ineffective, and that’s to make whos ego and outlook stronger in light of everything, that’s to make who feel better, a woman who doesn’t like you, or a man who is not attracted to you. That’s how society is if they see you and they don’t like something about you that’s how you get treated and that’s why I call 911 and that’s why I report, and that’s why I disclose what the voices are saying to the police, and that’s why I don’t want any connections in life, don’t need to be famous, cannot talk sense into anyone who is already mentally ill or not compliant with their meds, and that’s why they take from me, they go through my computer and they devalue me, so that they can be stronger, so that’s they feel brighter so that they feel better, and if Im being called that that causes me self-harm and suicide, don’t call me a “gay pervert,” don’t wrongfully accuse me of being gay with women, don’t prosecute me or alienate me for having friends who were women, and don’t talk $hit about me because Im not married. If someone dies, then why should I marry, if someone is not well then why should I marry, if someone doesn’t need me then why should I marry, they only notice once youre gone from their life, and expect you to love them the same way you did when you were in love with them and by then its too late, by then there is no bond, by then they cannot protect you, by then they cannot help you, by then your problems are too big for anyone to micros-manage, or to support you through, and that’s intelligence, going through your things and suddenly not needing you. So hit solider mode, I enlisted February 2013 before I attempted suicide. So whats it to you, whos team Im on in life, and why do you care if Im strong, why are you putting me down in life, and whats so important about your life that I need to be in it, or represent you for what?
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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