Taking a break from blogging for awhile to focus on my health, after adding modeling to my plate on Instagram.com/fischman.leslie, I just don’t think this a good time to share my life, and what I look like, right now, or to share my thoughts when I have other more important things to focus on, such as finishing my dissertation, and graduating from law school. When I am feeling better will take the time to post, but at this time do not think it’s a good idea to share. That is my right to privacy for what reasons, I am choosing to take a break from blogging. This isn’t a meditation center, for others to hyper focus on my words, or my tweets and to criticize me, based upon their knowledge or understanding of things, then cast me out as though I am fighting with others, or in competition with, or causing unreasonable harm to their livelihoods. I deserve to earn a living just as much as anyone else, deserves to. Its wrong to think that someone is blogging for personal reasons alone, and not to the benefit of the readers and the majority. For someone to cast me out as writing in defenses, that is a huge insult to my writing, as thought conspiracy based, and seeking to disprove conspiracy against me, as being part of. That is causing me to self-harm, to be outted as someone who is not fit to be a role model, or someone who is having difficulty on meds performing in life, and working and finishing law school. I think blogging is important, I do not think, that it is important to do everything at once, and be criticized as an overachiever or someone who is a high performer in life, I work slowly.
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Unless youre on meds, there are a lot of issues that may difficult to speak about out loud, and suicide is one of those issues, whether you’ve experienced feelings of being suicidal, or whether you’ve been affected by the suicide of another, healing takes time. And just because you are a survivor of suicide, doesn’t necessarily mean that talking about the issues, with someone who has no history of suicide ie Ari Emanuel, would be best to talk to about the issues, likely has been affected in his own way, throughout this mental health crisis. -Last night I had trouble sleeping. As a writer, this usually occurs, when you have said something, you later regret, or worry if anyone is judging you in the negative, self-harm is not the correct response. Unless you can help to build a better understanding among others, then its best not to speak on subjects you know less about, including associations and whether by associations others have been equally affected by recent events. If you have trouble sleeping, its best not to talk about things right before you go to bed, this I realize now, the morning after making such a shocking disclosure, about whether teams have had an affect in life on the suicides of others, no I don’t think so, based upon an assessment of Ari Emanuel’s connections in life, he’s doing just fine. Not all are equally affected by substance abuse, alcoholism, and mental health issues. If Im not writing about it, then it must be because I was not personally affected by it, and sometimes if Im writing about it, its because I feel like my audience is compelling me to write about something that has been bothering them. There is no one way to think about, learn, and accept, the issues others face in life, and become failures to what transpires, or backfires to their own wellness, one thing I can say is that if you can manage to stay sober throughout your mental health crisis, you have a higher likelihood of coming out of whatever depression, or mental health issues, are affecting your thinking, and start feeling like youre on the good side of life again. -We all get down on ourselves, its all a matter of staying well, not being haunted by our past, or the allowing the lives of others, to haunt our own well being. In today’s world the less you shock others, the better they feel, the less shocking your life is, the more accepted you are, when stability is required of us, that’s the best way to be accepted by others, is to be stable. Especially now, when thinking about the times, a stable opinion is always best to share, an unstable opinion would be when someone can question your interpretation, and when youre interpretation is off, either by assuming, or trying to relate things that do not relate, but by your knowledge, when speaking about everything together looks like everything relates. That would best describe my last post, regarding suicides and my recent hospitalization. There was no connection, but as affected I was treated, why so that my symptoms would not get worse, and result in further suicide by me or by those who in support of me follow my blog. That’s taking social responsibility for my health, as a blogger, and not affecting my audience, if Im not feeling well I get help, and likewise we expect that if others are not well they get help too. Most people have to work everyday, and only get the weekend to rest, in Ari Emanuel’s case he only has Sundays to play golf, and maybe get to a Laker Game, he’s probably at work now, and feeling bothered, that he may have affected anyone in the negative, and was not meaning to communicate at all to me, and probably doesnt even know who I am or what I look like, but by including him in my blog, maybe he knows who I am now. That’s being realistic. Others on the outside, think that I know who everyone is, and that everyone knows who I am, that’s to help assist them in interpretations, to think that I am being made fun of not to my knowledge, or that things are about me in the abstract to cast blame on my blogging as being a cause for the mental health issues of others, Im an “A” writer, and have been treated for bipolar on meds, in addition, I have been hospitalized 9x as a law student, and doing my best. As my UCLA Psychiatrist said, “bipolar is not contagious,” this is much to do about educating the public on mental health issues, and not passing negative judgment on those who do have mental health issues, especially mental health issues, related to fame and who you know or don’t know in life. Leave it up to them to speak on their behalves, my interpretation, really is ineffective when it comes to describing those who are doing well, as I am not doing well in life, however blogging seems to be working well for me in life.
Posted 11-14-19. Posted: 11-10-19
Ari Emanuel is “an American talent agent and the co-CEO of William Morris Endeavor (WME), an entertainment and media agency. [1] Endeavor Agency is his new agency founded “after the merger of the William Morris Agency,” WME represents “artists in movies, television, music, theater, digital media, and publishing. [2] According to deadline.com, “June 1, 2019 marks the official 10-year anniversary of the William Morris Agency-Endeavor merger.” [3] WME is one of the top agencies according to the observer.com, with clients “Ben Affleck, Charlize Theron, Amy Adams, and Martin Scorsese.” [4] A competing agency is UTA, which was “founded in 1991 following the merger of Bauer-Benedek and Leading Artists.” [5] UTA’s clients include: “Angelina Jolie, Channing Tatum, Chris Pratt, and Mariah Carey.” [6] -Where does mymollydoll.com stand in the mix, as a friend of Matt Bauer who’s father founded UTA, he was the one who helped get me sober December 2006, and attended rehab shortly thereafter at Boulder Community Hospital, later graduating with Honors Cum Laude in Sociology, at CU Boulder. One of Bauer’s client’s Jim Carrey was recently struck by the suicide of his girlfriend, similarly we were recently struck with the suicide of Saoirse Kennedy Hill, a mental health advocate [7] and Asian pop star and beauty icon “Sulli.” As soon as I heard the news, I checked myself into UCLA Resnick Neuropsychiatric Center, for Bipolar, and attended an IOP, which I finished, and signed an agreement with UCLA, asked to speak about my recovery, my social worker told me that is was the fastest recovery she’s ever seen. After speaking to the LAPD twice in front of my house, leading up to that point, they decided to hospitalize me. Meanwhile, back at the Laker Game, Ari Emanuel kept, moving around, eventually with his hand on his head, and friend gesturing and mouthing toward me “you f-ked up,” clearly because opposite their bench area, I saw someone who looked like a character from the TV Show Jersey Shore, with a Birkin bag, at his feet. What about Kate Spade? Of course I was traumatized by her passing, I had attended a birthday party in Las Vegas in Louboutins (August 2008) and was told that David Spade was present in the audience, while Dita Von Teese danced in a Martini glass, I sat alone at the bar drinking, attended with my boyfriend and friends. -After the school shootings it was me who flew to DC twice for $2000, and met with the US Supreme Court, writing down what happened in Law School, explaining to them why I was not graduating and ended up crying. I don’t think that blogging is the only solution to combat hate, but it certainly does an excellent job of bringing the people together on subjects via hashtags, Id like to think that I was someone, who with permissions from the court, was able to put together a tech savy series of campaign(s) via quotes and fashion and music and movie jokes, to help kick start everyone in the right direction, including the sharing of my law school notes. I’m sure by connections, others have been equally affected mental health wise, whenever you are so dedicated to a cause, anything occurring not in alignment with the best interests of others, calls attention to those who are in the middle of the spotlight, and doing their best to shed light on the issues, without rehashing too many negatives, or triggering other parties directly affected by the issues. At this point we may not all know eachother, but we all know eachother well enough to understand the ramifications of mental health issues, and the necessity for causes to protect the well being of those who are doing well in life, to serve as cornerstones to our positive self-development, and not shed light on issues such as addiction and recovery which have plagued many in the past, and led often to times to their demise, and/or death. -What do you think when you see Ari Emanuel, obviously still confident, not as confident or as comfortable as him, but having met SCOTUS, I have a very strong sense of faith, and have taken on a more conservative approach to the wellness of those around me, blogging my best work, intended for books, not for notoriety, or for sharing and stories, shocking or accusatory toward others. That would not be the solution, to wrongfully accuse others who have equally been affected, as being the cause of anyones hardships, or point blames toward those who as they are coming up in life, met with discord, or dissatisfaction, or offended by their sense of comfort and being online and likeability, that has nothing to do with who I knew growing up, and has never affected who I have mentioned or followed, as though by agency only nice to. I am nice to everyone, and get along sound with everyone, and by my issues, maybe some have been able to relate, and those who can relate is not only limited to those who have experienced hardship, its not all about recovery, meeting attendance is important, but its not the end all be all of your ability to survive, you have to be conscious of your wellness and how it affects the wellness of others, and you should always only show up if youre doing well, that’s a great rule of thumb when it comes to public appearances, and if you cant work, don’t work, blogging is my primary form of work, besides working in film distribution on the Lot with Showtime and OWN, whats my connection, my job, and losing a Shorty Award to HBO, which makes my job funny. -If there is any advice I could give to onlookers, it would be to stay strong, work hard, and to focus on yourself, when things get crazy, these losses have had a tremendous affect on the way people do business in each industry Im sure, and its obvious more resources are needed to help other begin to cope with their mental health issues, and stop blaming those for their ability to recover in life, as contributing to the social ills in society, as though their recovery or inability to recover puts them at fault for any illness or suffering by anyone who has committed suicide. I take responsibility for my blogging, I call the police, often they know my stats, and get help whenever I hear voices, that doesn’t mean that I should not be able to blog, it means I help. -Its those who dont care dont get help, and dont fix themselves, or try to better themselves (getting certified) to help others, thats the difference between an advocate or someone who helps to make themselves look better, or to undo a wrong they have done, look like part of the majority, not without permissions who cant help others. What I'm doing online is writing, communicating, and helping to clear the air, not to add more hardships to the table, than there already are, or have been faced. There are many obstacles to being successful one things thats required is being politically correct. References: [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ari_Emanuel [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endeavor_(company) [3] https://deadline.com/2019/05/william-morris-agency-endeavor-merger-where-are-they-now-1202618487/ [4] https://observer.com/2017/11/hollywood-talent-agencies-wme-uta-apa-icm-info-details/ [5] https://observer.com/2017/11/hollywood-talent-agencies-wme-uta-apa-icm-info-details/ [6] https://observer.com/2017/11/hollywood-talent-agencies-wme-uta-apa-icm-info-details/ [7] https://www.eonline.com/news/1061825/saoirse-kennedy-hill-opened-up-about-suicide-depression-and-sexual-assault-3-years-before-death [8] https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/k-pop-singer-found-dead-in-suspected-suicide-highlighting-mental-health-pressures/2019/10/14/1e69a8de-ee67-11e9-bb7e-d2026ee0c199_story.html Don’t become an underlying trend to inner turmoils faced by those who are suffering from mental health issues, its not ones responsibility to bear the brute of whatever is bothering people. If I bother you because: (1) I was raped (2) I was left at a bar (3) I have no friends (4) You think Im to blame for my problems (5) You think friends, family, or Schools are to blame for my problems (6) You don’t think I have problems relevant or helpful to what others are going through or able to help others, via my experiences in life (7) Whether you don’t think by my experiences in life I was harmed but benefited from those experiences in life (8) You don’t value my work or my hard work writing, and do not see the value in my writing, that you think its okay to distribute my writing for free (9) You don’t think that if my work that was written in private is shown or distributed would not hurt me, you are being insensitive to my well being as a writer (10) Patience is not valued but is instead viewed as someone who is stalling, without understanding that it cost money to distribute and that one must be ready mentally to share their finished work with everyone, to view, and criticize (11) and because I was sued all the harm that has been done to my reputation was magically reversed to free others from blame, and to leave me alone, as accepting the consequences of drinking, drug use, or suicide attempt. Its no ones fault when someone commits suicide, but the fault of the person who suffers for not getting the help they need and calling 911, or complaining about their circumstances in life. No one who lives a life free from harassment, ridicule, or bullying is ever affected if anyone, myself included, is harmed in that way by others, for having shared my experiences online, its not in jest that you share your experiences online, if its shared its because somehow that experience in life affected you socially, and made you anti-social, and because you are anti-social judged as having some kind of mental health deficit related to you thinking you are bigger than you are, or you thinking that others know you, can read you, or that youre being read by others, interpreted as though you think you are bigger than you are, that is what having bipolar is like, people bossing you around, like youre egotistical or think that youre smarter than you are and need to be put in your place, we all suffer from abuses in life, the more centered you can be in the face of bullying, and other people putting you in your place in life, the better off you’ll be, and if others think it appropriate to treat you as though you are the pervert to their problems or a source of unwanted solicitation, conversation, or interaction, than that’s a manifestation of their need to describe the discomfort they feel being around you, as though you are in need of something more from them to feel whole, stable, or loved, the more needy you are, the more likely you will be to get hurt, by people who think they are smarter than you, and the more introverted you become, and the more anti-social you become, the more susceptible you are to getting hurt, when your defenses are down, and you have no one to help you but yourself. Lifes not about sexuality, or being girly, or proving whether or not your gay, feel inferior to others, or look up to other women, and that because you have experienced inferiority means that you are jealous of the traits that others bear, or wish you were someone else or wish you were something bigger than you are in life, if you cannot be yourself in public, then there is something wrong with you, whether that’s a product of how you have been treated in private by others, or in public, it will all manifest itself, as a writer online, its hard to hide anything that may be bothering you, and if its your self-worth that’s at issue, then that will all come into play, as others assess your worth online, and determine whether you deserve to get paid or not for your written work, whether it has benefited everyone or whether it has hurt anyones sense of self or being. How can anyone who gets put down by society, sued, and treated at someone with mental health issues, who is an embarrassment to others, be treated as someone above others, dictating how one should think, and be held responsible for the mental health of those who have committed suicide. Its because of disbelief in others that groups suffer, and its from disbelief in the betterment of society in spite of the times, that people as individuals suffer. Have faith, that no matter what is trending or who is trending, the joke will always be on them, and to do our best as a society, not to enable others to behave and act in those ways, as though its okay to make fun of others, and do our best to present the best versions of ourselves, no matter how easily affected we are to these losses in life. And whether or not you agree with my hashtagging as helpful or not I would have rather hashtagged and posted flyers than done nothing at all, and help create a broader awareness of the issues surrounding mental health, than just shed light on my own personal issues, as being of importance. Whether you think Im being helpful or not, is your opinion, and if for any reason you do not agree with anything I have said, than its okay to call 911, no one is stopping you, just don’t make me suicidal because you think if I die that will better explain what has just been discussed. Just because one pervert accused of rape committed suicide, does not mean that if I commit suicide it is because I bear guilt, and that it’s a deserved, is the rumor theyre trying to spread about me, Im a woman, do not treat me as though Im the offender to anyones best interests. #stopsuicide -Its because I was a crisis hotline counselor, and because I have left relationships, that others think that there is something justifiably defective about me, that Im responsible for correcting my own problems in life (Ive never blamed anyone for my problems, only explained how I was affected reputation wise), not taking into account how I was or was not treated by others, and let go. Those who get let go, are deemed troublesome or responsible for their own mental health issues, designated as addicts or alcoholics, to protect the best interests of an organization who either does or does not support them, including the schools to which they belong, how important is the reputation of any organization, than any one persons well being could negatively reflect on that organizations ability to help foster positive growth in others. Something to think about. -If youre not suicidal then stop bringing up the issues you think are causing suicide, to see if I become suicide and express those grievances, that it is okay to mark me off as someone who is suicidal and doesn’t deserve to write or be listened to. If I get suicidal no one empathizes with me, and throws me into the hospital, claiming that their health is at risk of harm, why is it okay for others to talk about whether or not they have been suicidal, and not one says anything to them, or questions them, but supports them, that’s not how to prevent suicide, by making it okay for some to share their depressed feelings out loud, but making it inappropriate for others to share whether or not they are depressed out loud, where is the good thinking in that, if any sharing is to be out loud, it must be in the solution, either something you’ve overcome in life, and what youre doing to better yourself now, or share something you have struggled with, and where you are not compared to where you have been, and anything that puts your life in jeopardy, means to be shared only with LAPD, not enable others to retaliate on you, based on the stories you tell, no one should be harmed, so long as the LAPD knows my timeline, and whether or not I am suicidal or doing well, is all that matters. If we cant all get along as to these issues, then its best you read something else. To make me defend myself, or to fight about things or terms not heard or said to my face or loud enough in public for me to respond to, would just make me look bipolar or delusional, why its not worth my time, to respond to anything that’s not concrete, or just thought others think.
Everyone values quality quiet time, in fact that is a right protected to you by the law, not free from unreasonable or negative thinking, but free from disturbances by others. Whether or not someone is mentally disturbed has not yet been factored into the equation, and or for what reasons, be considered disruptive to the peace of others, so much so that those people need to be removed from social settings, to help promote and foster the social well being and thinking of those present. That’s a justifiable cause for discriminating someone, someone who causes civil unrest, or someone who causes mental disturbance to others, upon being seen, who is the cause of that labeling to become someone who is not able to fit in in society, and is not able to fit in among others in society, that’s not fame, that’s something else. Your wellness is so important to functioning properly in society, and to get along well with others, its always when youre not doing well that you become difficult to be around and or speak to, depending upon the maturity of others, deemed someone worth spending time around, or someone to stay away from. Its all about the predictability of a person, those unpredictable are not trusted, and likewise those with mental health issues, who cannot predict their symptoms, are further labeled among those who behaviorally are unpredictable and of threat or harm to the well being of others, they are called “flight risks.” A flight risk for example is someone who spits on others, shouts at others, or thinks there is a reason to fight when no fighting is necessary, or who fights in response to what they are told, when corrected, blame others for their negative self-talk or thinking about the world, so that when approached by others, threatened by them. That’s a very rare case of mental illness, Ive only seen that once while at UCLA, for the most part all patients are doing their best to stay positive, its as you improve you get to go home, so it wouldn’t be in anyones best interest to be non-compliant, with what they are told, while under the care of medical professionals who specialize in helping those with mental health issues. -Its especially not helpful to drink when you have mental health issues, especially if you are put on medications, you are not supposed to drink, in fact advised not to by medical professionals. Some will rebel, do your best not to pass judgment, and keep your side of the street clean, this discussion is not to justify the behavior of others, who are not well, and voice their opinions toward those who are well. -I was well off, I had a house, and was learning how to blog, and was placed among those who are not well, while living across the street from a sober living home, and running everyday 130lbs, maybe to others I seemed mentally ill running everyday and tweeting or sharing on Instagram, but that was how I lived life, and was performing well in Law School, not all will agree with how you live your life, especially if they think you are trying to be a public figure, trying to be an advocate, were an advocate, or trying to be some kind of advisor as to wellness online, then its by another set of credentials you will be judged by in the negative, your hospital stays, or rehab stays, not by what you accomplished in spite of those setbacks in life, which can or cannot set you back further in life. Don’t allow any hardships to cause you to contemplate life, and or contemplate life to place blame on others, for your inability to live life, that would be selfish thinking, to think that your health is equally being affected in the negative by others, using their arguments, to justify your own ascribed negative thinking, why its important not to think what others are thinking, absent hearing from them, and not to think what others are feeling, absent being told how they are feeling about you, or about themselves at these points in their lives, do your best always to move forward. As much as its not about you, don’t make things about you, by bringing up the past, that’s just a recipe for disaster, to bring up old problems, or old issues, to explain how far everyone has come in spite of those realized difficulties they went through in life, now that they have matured, and found themselves. Be proud of who you are, and where you come from. There are some who do not have the opportunity to speak for themselves, constantly reacting to others, and not able to think for themselves, that’s on purpose, to prevent people from speaking who are in the wrong, to prevent further hardship to those who have fallen ill to certain issues or problems in life, that’s why the guilty are required to be quiet, and that right is reserved to them, and to those who have prosecuted them, that’s to prevent further fighting on the same issues, that’s what I think. Can I relate? No, its because I did not stay sober, and relapsed on cocaine, while blogging, with a cat dying from cancer I was feeding through a tube, and medications daily, that I committed suicide, under two lawsuits, for messaging and blogging an ad that included the identity of another, and delivered cupcakes and Valentines Day gifts as a thank you for helping me, that’s unfortunate that I was so desperate at the time, that I went to the wrong people for help in life, that doesn’t make me a bad person, that just makes me look like a bad person, and because I look bad, am treated bad, and because I am treated bad, Im expected to feel bad, and when I am expected to feel bad, its because they think it’s a deserved, and like a non-stop train at you in life, like its deserved, to replicate how others would have felt had you messaged them, that’s not what happened, if someone is in need of help they are NOW expected to call 911 or call their doctor, or call a hotline, or go to the hospital, that’s normal now, being hospitalized, friends are not for getting help with mental health issues, that’s the big lesson to be learned from my experiences, you call 911 for help.
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