You can have everything in life, once you are broken, there is nothing you can do to make your life better until you move forward no matter how painful living gets no matter how complicated everyones side gets on you, no matter what you have done well, all lives are worth living, don’t let anyone convince you it’s a bad life, or convince you you have been of harm to anyone who has come into you life, or no longer in your life, life is hard to live, if you are not positive, don’t take time to be happy for others, enjoy life, be thankful for what you do have, no matter how stupid you look, there I nothing that can be taken back once you get hurt in life, and even if your life is ruined and everyones making jokes about you, that should not affect you, not if you care about others, not if you have been rooting for others, and not if just today is difficult and you were made to talk about the past in a way to which you took personal offense. Ive never harmed anyone, physically, or sexually, or mentally, I have been harmed in life, convinced not to finish law school not having the potential for marriage, not being poised enough, and that’s too many hoops for friendship, or love at this point in my life at 35, or even for a job its not worth the effort, trying to be something Im not, or be treated as someone stronger than I am. The point at which things become too much, is when you are made to feel aggravated or self harm or be blamed for anyone else condition as being “too strong” or not on a “loving basis” out of “necessity,” and that’s how you end up with no one, nothing is real, not even imagined, your reality is not clear, your future is not happening, your not working, and you have no one on your side in life, that’s supporting everyone, and then not complaining about anything. Anyone will exclaim everything they have been through once they are tired and nothing is good enough. And that’s when they start blaming you, you are no longer happy, you don’t photo well, you are not strong, you become not hireable, you don’t feel like yourself, you don’t recognize yourself, and all those little things that’s people were not okay with, that’s becomes you not okay with yourself. This how a blog is ruined, this is how a “voice” get repeated to everyone who did support you on your blog, this is when you get treated like your on the wrong teams in life, this is when you question your purpose in life, and this is when nothing can be solved by talking about your life, anytime you have been hurt or heartbroken and why that matters now, if you have no one in your life, made to hear voices and stuck at home self-harming, then how should you live life, then how should you get better, then when can anyone help you, when is help not needed?
Today is not a good day, I am not hopeful, I am being defensive, I dont feel good, I have recently self-harmed, I am not feeling well, I am not feeling motivated, I feel hurt, I could not sleep last night, I dont feel like going to meetings, I am not well enough to date, I dont plan on getting married, I wanted to work, Im not strong enough to work, I was doing well, I was not valued, I am getting voices, that is not my fault, I have to state every issue, that causes me discomfort, and pain, and thats not the solution, if people are not doing that to me in real life, then why should I be made to suffer at home with no human interaction, and how is writing supposed to help with voices, if its not a fight that I can win by having friends, going to meetings, talking about the past, moving forward, getting a job, or being defensive, and thats the disservice that occurs upon being loving, toward anyone, and then being treated as stupid, then what is the purpose for being loved, or blogging, or having a life, that was everything I have worked hard towards for 8 years trying to be my smart self again, not to excuse any drug use past, or casual sex, or drinking, all of that made me stupid and weird and thats not something I want to remember my life as being the times when I was alone, and when life was not hard, now I dont have the stamina to fight, be sued, work for anyone and go through all the hoops of being an employee, why am I suffering getting job interviews and replies, why all of a sudden do I feel sick and not doing well in life. Why am I the one suffering because someone else flips out on me, Ive never talked too deeply in private, Ive never been made to confess or be weird or say weird words in conversation with anyone and I dont deserve to be treated as reject or subjecting anyone to being on any losing teams in life.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
Categories |