Growing up I was always one to have friends over at my house, that was a natural type of socialization that I grew up as end of the year school parties host, or weekend house, I grew up with an older brother, so that was normal for us to have friends over at the house. Im not sure what popular is by todays’ standards I don’t even think 17 million readers at one point, illustrates the fact that I am relatable, I am likeable, and there is nothing wrong with me. If at a later point you become less social, it eventually takes its toll, the more separate from friends you become, and there really is no new life you end up at, not if you don’t have a job, and are open to meeting new people and having a life of your own, which would have included attending AA meetings. That missing part from your life, is not being where you want to be in life, or not being the same person you were before you got hurt. I grew up with no history of mental health issues, did not take any meds in high school or my freshman year in college. It was only until sophomore year, that I began to struggle in school getting Bc and Cs, and on meds got As. So that was one difference I noticed. Ive had learning disability my whole life, in the slow reading group in elementary school. There seems to be a lot of pressure these days to be quick witted, or high energy, or work fast, and I don’t think that really happens for you if youre not prepared. Im still adjusting to a new life of “hearing voices,” which cannot be cured by meds, and only makes things worse the more I think about it, no matter how insulted I get, not to feel sick, throw up, or self-harm would be my goals in life, just to make it past “voices,” which would be to be at peace again, no matter who is watching me, reading me, no matter what “voices” said in the past when I was a full-time runner running everyday, alone at night. I think no one takes you seriously if you don’t have money and friends, and that’s a sad fact of life, and the more you complain about your past, the worse things get for you presently, and that doesn’t cure your mental health issues either. That’s something you have to figure out on your own how to get back to normal, its not by talking to people, any type of reassurances or forgiveness, no one wants to live life threatened by others, or fighting over attentions from men, who wants to live that life anyways, if they are not going to love you, then you don’t have to wait for them either. And if you cant move on, then don’t go backwards expecting love from anyone in life either. Its been a tough lesson to learn, started dating late (in college), and then didn’t settle down soon enough (in my early twenties) get married. So that’s a risk you take focusing on your education, or whoever you move forward with, and that’s totally okay, if things don’t work out for you in life, you can always later consider them friends, and that’s a positive still being on talking terms with exes, no matter what mood changes or life changes they go through be supportive of them.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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