Things arent always as they seem, as degrading as sexuality is, and what you look like, judged on the basis of your track record, who you have hooked up with when and why, and what were the circumstances, and how old were you, when you stopped dating, I stopped dating 2014, that was a choice I made, to live a disciplined life sober, that doesnt mean youre not allowed to have fun, be social, vlog, write on Twitter, be fun, or try to be known in a good way, what you dont expect is to be known in a bad way, and who can control that anyways. I think you have to have a really big heart, and live a really supported lifestyle in order to be happy, appear happy, and to shed light on the good things about life, given your standing and position in life, able to get a job, graduate, or overcome setbacks past with confidence, and speak in a way, that doesnt set off any alarms or red flags for anyone when considering whether or not to make you apart of their life, you will meet a lot of people in life, some will stand out and be more memorable than others, there is always time to live life, overcome heartache, depression, bipolar, voices, addiction, alcoholism, theses are all choices you make that set you back in terms of what your goals in life achieve, we all take the time to talk to friends, text, get to know people, be out and about, thats not the draining aspect of life being around people, what your confidence ultimately comes down to, is being happy with yourself, not let others down, not speak in a way that anyone would ever take personally something you have to say, and think that how you feel is not supporting their personality type, I think 17 million people met me at one point, I probably was not trying to be known by that many people, and thats what it means to do a good job, healing, recovering, moving forward, letting go, not harping on the past, being thankful, and eventually be in a place in life where you are accepted, you are loved, can share a laugh, maybe not relapse and be incoherent, but be able to accept where you have been in life, and know that because you have done everything right is why you were able to be strong for everyone else, during a difficult period in life, or extreme everything, life gets lonely, thankfully we have social media and people who work online and already made systems of communications for us in advance, just in case we forget what our lives were like, who is important to us, its easy to get lost, when you are out and about or being social online, and sometimes you forget the basics, not talking to strangers, not getting jobs through people, not accepting offers, not accepting favors, not using the "@" button, including less meaning people you admire, including less story about yourself, being more mature, being more protective, being a strong person, not letting anyone bring you down in life, being more professional, sounding smarter, overcoming doubts, being less intimidated, being more comfortable, half of life is one on one, the rest of life is like a pinball machine of interaction, so be a good person, be an understanding person, be a wise person, be a kind person, and do your best not to be too defensive, not to assume too much, just as you are analyzing your own life bit by bit, dont be scared if someone else decides to investigate your timelines in life, and have a different take about your direction and purpose in life, which may at the time seem meaningful to you, but mostly if we are doing something that feels good we dont see the harm in it, and its when you are blind to the repercussions, or without awareness for the potential of harm and irreversible damage you can do to your life, saying something you cannot take back, or appearing in a way thats off putting, well thats no time to act or give up in life, or all sense of normalcy, thats when you need to button up and take life seriously. I have no idea how to make a good impression after a bad impression, and I have no idea how to come back from overreacting, it seems thats the glue that keeps people stuck together, and seems to be the point of leaving you out of equations in life, until you are well adjusted again, and sometimes being emotional, becomes the exact reason that others find you unapproachable, or live life in more questions than answers, so dont bottle up, be yourself, dont be shy, there is always time to fix your life, there is always time to be a good role model, and there is always time for forgiveness.
Originally Posted: 02-06-21
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I’ve been holding off on telling everyone the good news, but think it would be best to formerly announce that I have just been approved, hired as Paralegal to Attorney Andrew Lehman [1]. I will be working from home, and look forward to my first assignment. After two years of blogging, and proving my self worth, it seems that things will be working out for me after all, and be the person my Parents have always wanted me to be, a professional with a job, not just blogging. This is why I graduated from Law School. If you don’t have your goals set in life, don’t forget about who you could’ve been, or what you wanted to be, pressure can change you for the worst. Its easy to get stuck thinking about the wrong things in life, and whats even more difficult is coming to terms with your own thoughts about life, and represent yourself well in spite of whatever mental health issues you may face or encounter in life. The goal should always be to be your happy, normal, version of yourself, whoever that might be. With a new job comes new responsibility, to make sure I continue to provide information that suits the best interests of all, no matter what my private life looks like, and keep everything here, separate from my work life, to me that presents a future challenge, to continue to be myself online, and also work toward growing as a working professional helping to represent others in life. I may not be famous, and I may be distantly connected to many people who have experienced success in life, that also does not mean that I am not one of them too. I think I serve as a great example of someone who was convinced that they were something that they were not, and became someone better. For some reason, I expected to turn out to be a worse version of myself, which didn’t last for long, just 4 long and hard years 2017 to 2021, recuperating from a ton of misunderstanding, and a ton of problems, I don’t necessarily think that I deserved to inherit, not by knowing anyone of importance, but as you later learn you are who you pay attention to, and for whoever stands out to you in life, understand that its probably because they are in a place in life, that you hope to someday be similarly situated and able to be looked at in a professional way, respected. We don’t always get that much, everyone is going through something in life, and especially now, people are more sensitive than most, which is why its become more important to be less experimental with my own health, and start working under the direction of someone with experience, and learn how to work for others, to help others in a professional way, and to represent others in a way that they can appreciate, not allow personal battles to overtake whatever direction Im going in life. Id like to take this time to thank all my fans, thank all my supporters, thank all my friends, thank all my bosses, and thank my family for never giving up on me, for giving me time to heal, for being around in my good moments, for leaving me alone when I needed to rest, and for continuing to be apart of my life, no matter what obstacles I face, everything is possible if you have enough nerve, you just have to put yourself out there sometimes, in order to get anywhere in life worthwhile, if you don’t try, you will never know where you could have been in life, had you tried harder in life, whether that be for job, romance, or friendship, never stop continuing to move forward in life. Hope everyone is doing well today, and wish everyone the best of luck this coming year!
Reference: [1] https://lehmandata.com/ 01-31-21 It doesn’t matter where you have worked, that cant stop bad interpretations of your life as lived from happening, not if no one is on your side, or speaking in support of you, instead for others. If you have lived a difficult and challenging life, then you would understand the importance of what is said and how it is said, it just may be the determining factor for what you go down for in history, which moment defines you, its not always your choice. And although there may be times when you are losing your battle with mental health issues, respect, and feeling like you belong anywhere for that matter, the less time you spend on improving the worse things get for you politically, there will always be negative judgment past whenever you seem as though you are someone who does not value yourself, or make decisions for the wrong reasons. What makes a fierce advocate? I think first of you have to keep your side of the street clean, you cannot change the way people feel about you, and you have to respect the decisions of others, based upon whether they can accept you as apart of their life, reasons for delay, and what happens in between the time spent with someone you love and admire, made to feel differently about yourself, you cant always take love advice from people who don’t respect your dating style or the standards of your relationships with men, always as described, based on what it ever was, people will try to convince you that you can do better, or not be enthusiastic about your choices in life, not seem like a good fit, and you cant go on waiting either, and if you ever lower your standards based upon anything else going on in the world, then that will the same standard that others will treat you as, not accepting you on the basis of where you have been, who you have been with, job status, social status, political ideologies, and correspondences. When does it become your responsibility to help? I think when you represent an issue, not that anyone is territorial to what matters to them, not in a defensive way care, or intervene, but on the basis for who is being represented along with any other vocalizations concerning private interests. I don’t think that books, work in terms, or negotiating with any opposition in life, and calling them may not be the solution either, to figure out on what basis, is anyone so confirmed that they are doing what is right, when things are going well, hurt the definition of what it means to represent your own country, ideals, or even what the reputation of any tech app or tv show, have anything to do with how people are made to feel who then become associated via what is brought up and ongoing in the news at the moment, advocacy provided for. There will always be risk so long as issues are compounded, maybe why I took my “World Peace” page down and video, it doesn’t really seem to explain why I was writing in that tone or for what reasons personal empathized with, and if it can be regarded as something that’s not helping, or influential in a positive way, then the meaning has been lost, along with the purpose for sharing at that point in time what I was thinking about in life and in quiet reflection about. Coming forward is not easy, its not easy when you have done nothing wrong, and have been made to feel as though you have done something wrong, so helping a situation is hearing from the other side, without giving your power away to anyone else, to determine what are the issues pressing that is affecting everyone, whats personal, and who is being made to serve as a representative figure to anyones clients. There was one file at work that said “Stormy Daniels” and that was with a “Trump” pen pal that I was then separated from at work, phone taken to the other room, I don’t text at work but was receiving messages from. I don’t think messenger or any text messaging forum is suitable for sexual relations, I think it’s a simple space to share your feelings and ideas, your goals and dreams, your worries, share a little bit about yourself, and keep things friendly, not a way to communicate your fears, explain your disability, or be controlled by anyone on a daily basis, or be forced to comply to any standards in order to continue talking with anyone, who becomes disinterested in you, there will always be reasons for people losing interest in you, and it will mostly have to do with your own wellness, and how you present yourself, people will want to know you, maybe even support you, but that does not mean that they will continue to respect you, or say anything to serve your best interests at a later point in time, no one who is not in your life, can represent you, be your spokesperson, or explain to others how you are, or why you are the way that you are, and if you are someone like me who is protecting the best interests of a company, or a brand, or an organization committed to helping people to make the right choices in life, then you would understand your own professional responsibility, to not be thrown into the mix, of who has presented a problem, and not served the best interests of those they have sought to represent in the positive, even if you are not included as a member to any of that good luck in life or good fortune, there will always be bigger, better, smarter people than you in life, don’t let anyone intimidate you, or convince others that you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing in life, or be blamed as being a source of embarrassment to anyone, and allow others who later come into your life, to situate themselves similarly based on something you have said, that they have interpreted in the negative or feel gives them the go ahead, to injure, harm, misrepresent, bully, coerce, intangle, disable, ridicule, or subject you to prosecutions in life, based upon a representation of you, that was directed under threat to comply with, to stop future harm being done to you. That’s the main lesson, you cannot negotiate with someone who is trying to overpower you, or put you down in life, ruin your career, interrupt your psyche, cause you mental disturbance, self harm, or subject you off into a vague political sphere of insults and derogatory humor and company names and references to designate you as someone who is not the bringer of luck, but compare you to any figure historical pass, who they have come to identify you as in what they thought was from the goodness of their heart, not specifically stated to you in your face, but overheard in the form of voices, that’s someone not on your team in life, who thinks that your legal education, location of school, suicide attempt (2009), medications, dating history, breakups, tantrums, self-harm, self-injury, is about people not understanding you, your struggle trying to get a job, and also be viewed as someone who does not act with care and careful attention to the issues in an educated way do their best to present what in their mind is of importance of value, whether or not there is a consequential component, or direct connection between something I have seen or experienced in life, connected to any other bad experiences in life or sufferings. That’s the misunderstanding of judging someone who is trying to help and presents themselves and does what is right, whether or not they are cued by others, who mostly try to intimidate you and convince you that you are guilty of something, and that’s when others are spacey, and you are sharp, is when you generally leave situations that seem disorganized, and to not draw attention to anyone during those moments, or indecision, or uncertainty, and that’s the point of communication, never do anything as a surprise, and never say anything without thinking things through, and never speak to anyone of importance, unless your not guilty, and anyone elses attitude toward you in life, is for personal reasons, become unavailable or busy. People expect you to stay in place, and that gives some people control over you, maybe not all other outcomes in life, but if things are not getting better, than to me that means that a change needs to be made in my life, not give up, I honestly don’t think I have time to learn an entire new profession, why I started applying for law jobs again and finished law school. If studying law was something that I was passionate about and loved, and felt a tremendous amount of peace with, then that is where I do best in law school, or focusing on my academics. If not one respects your story, or anone who has read your story without authorization as to the causes for your suicide attempt (2009) then that’s them studying you without your permission, before publishing your book. So something not mentioned was mentioned and a column put in my book with a graph paper, my first self-published book. Don’t blame me for Aurora, don’t blame me for school shootings, don’t blame me for being Jewish, don’t blame me for reporting to the US Supreme Court, don’t blame me for calling the Boulder DA, the Oklahoma DA, and the Texas DA, just recently OK and TX. It has gotten out of hand, there is not such thing as a cover up, I don’t have an attorney to talk to about my issues, or the voices I get, I only have a therapist to talk to, and I became a member of Brady, out of the goodness of my heart, because I wanted to put my good name to good use, and that was my choice. What causes death? When people fall ill due to addiction, and drugs, that hurts everyone, that’s also not the cause for more death or more sickness, even if you think the same way as they do, even if you understand their story, even if you empathize with their families, even if you know more than the general public knows about specific people, their motivations, causes for support, and social associations in life. You cannot blame someone for a dress the wore in Las Vegas (2008) by the Olsen Twins, or the only black heels available at Saks, Christian Louboutin. If its an epidemic, then its not for study for why it occurs or how it occurs, that’s the bottom line, and you don’t blame peoples identities, associations, distant relationships, connections, knowledge of identities, or reputation, as the problem, or the cause for anyone else manifestation of hate and violence in life, don’t situate someone who is education, performed well in school, makes friends easily, does not have a hard time finding a date, or dating in general, who lives alone, and studies, and runs everyday, trying to stay fit, its my face and my body, and if I am proud of myself, then that’s why I only took less than 10 pictures the entire time. When someone puts you down in life, that’s to blame you for things they have not said, without telling you, and thinking that that will not affect you, even if held by people you don’t know and opinion of you you cant hear, its an energy, of distrust, and that distrust eventually adds up to action, and those actions are then taken from someone who carries a negative judgement within them, and that energy carries over to people around them, why its important not to get rallied up or intense about people in life, what people think, or even waste time and energy persuading others or even yourself, that what you are feeling is real in a negative way or in turn be made to accuse anyone else of being the provider of that instability and energy that is causing you torment, or not to feel like yourself confident. So that’s an uneven exchange in life, usually resulting from a lack of clarity, and so long as you remain in that condition, it can get worse, the less you are able to say, and the more fear is instilled upon you, to disclose everything that feels like that feeling, to see if you have done anything wrong, if you have ever been scared, if you have ever felt disempowered, if you have ever felt used, if you have ever failed, if you have ever struggled, if you have ever needed help, if you have ever been not believed, or if you have ever been a source of shame or embarrassment to anyone, at whatever level of intelligence you arrived to or didn’t arrive to, and based upon what you have said past not a good enough try at presenting the best version of yourself.
#trust #stopschoolshootings #mentalhealth #heros #influencers #feelings #negativejudgments It doesn’t matter where you have worked, that cant stop bad interpretations of your life as lived from happening, not if no one is on your side, or speaking in support of you, instead for others. If you have lived a difficult and challenging life, then you would understand the importance of what is said and how it is said, it just may be the determining factor for what you go down for in history, which moment defines you, its not always your choice. And although there may be times when you are losing your battle with mental health issues, respect, and feeling like you belong anywhere for that matter, the less time you spend on improving the worse things get for you politically, there will always be negative judgment past whenever you seem as though you are someone who does not value yourself, or make decisions for the wrong reasons. What makes a fierce advocate? I think first of you have to keep your side of the street clean, you cannot change the way people feel about you, and you have to respect the decisions of others, based upon whether they can accept you as apart of their life, reasons for delay, and what happens in between the time spent with someone you love and admire, made to feel differently about yourself, you cant always take love advice from people who don’t respect your dating style or the standards of your relationships with men, always as described, based on what it ever was, people will try to convince you that you can do better, or not be enthusiastic about your choices in life, not seem like a good fit, and you cant go on waiting either, and if you ever lower your standards based upon anything else going on in the world, then that will the same standard that others will treat you as, not accepting you on the basis of where you have been, who you have been with, job status, social status, political ideologies, and correspondences. When does it become your responsibility to help? I think when you represent an issue, not that anyone is territorial to what matters to them, not in a defensive way care, or intervene, but on the basis for who is being represented along with any other vocalizations concerning private interests. I don’t think that books, work in terms, or negotiating with any opposition in life, and calling them may not be the solution either, to figure out on what basis, is anyone so confirmed that they are doing what is right, when things are going well, hurt the definition of what it means to represent your own country, ideals, or even what the reputation of any tech app or tv show, have anything to do with how people are made to feel who then become associated via what is brought up and ongoing in the news at the moment, advocacy provided for. There will always be risk so long as issues are compounded, maybe why I took my “World Peace” page down and video, it doesn’t really seem to explain why I was writing in that tone or for what reasons personal empathized with, and if it can be regarded as something that’s not helping, or influential in a positive way, then the meaning has been lost, along with the purpose for sharing at that point in time what I was thinking about in life and in quiet reflection about. Coming forward is not easy, its not easy when you have done nothing wrong, and have been made to feel as though you have done something wrong, so helping a situation is hearing from the other side, without giving your power away to anyone else, to determine what are the issues pressing that is affecting everyone, whats personal, and who is being made to serve as a representative figure to anyones clients. There was one file at work that said “Stormy Daniels” and that was with a “Trump” pen pal that I was then separated from at work, phone taken to the other room, I don’t text at work but was receiving messages from. I don’t think messenger or any text messaging forum is suitable for sexual relations, I think it’s a simple space to share your feelings and ideas, your goals and dreams, your worries, share a little bit about yourself, and keep things friendly, not a way to communicate your fears, explain your disability, or be controlled by anyone on a daily basis, or be forced to comply to any standards in order to continue talking with anyone, who becomes disinterested in you, there will always be reasons for people losing interest in you, and it will mostly have to do with your own wellness, and how you present yourself, people will want to know you, maybe even support you, but that does not mean that they will continue to respect you, or say anything to serve your best interests at a later point in time, no one who is not in your life, can represent you, be your spokesperson, or explain to others how you are, or why you are the way that you are, and if you are someone like me who is protecting the best interests of a company, or a brand, or an organization committed to helping people to make the right choices in life, then you would understand your own professional responsibility, to not be thrown into the mix, of who has presented a problem, and not served the best interests of those they have sought to represent in the positive, even if you are not included as a member to any of that good luck in life or good fortune, there will always be bigger, better, smarter people than you in life, don’t let anyone intimidate you, or convince others that you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing in life, or be blamed as being a source of embarrassment to anyone, and allow others who later come into your life, to situate themselves similarly based on something you have said, that they have interpreted in the negative or feel gives them the go ahead, to injure, harm, misrepresent, bully, coerce, intangle, disable, ridicule, or subject you to prosecutions in life, based upon a representation of you, that was directed under threat to comply with, to stop future harm being done to you. That’s the main lesson, you cannot negotiate with someone who is trying to overpower you, or put you down in life, ruin your career, interrupt your psyche, cause you mental disturbance, self harm, or subject you off into a vague political sphere of insults and derogatory humor and company names and references to designate you as someone who is not the bringer of luck, but compare you to any figure historical pass, who they have come to identify you as in what they thought was from the goodness of their heart, not specifically stated to you in your face, but overheard in the form of voices, that’s someone not on your team in life, who thinks that your legal education, location of school, suicide attempt (2009), medications, dating history, breakups, tantrums, self-harm, self-injury, is about people not understanding you, your struggle trying to get a job, and also be viewed as someone who does not act with care and careful attention to the issues in an educated way do their best to present what in their mind is of importance of value, whether or not there is a consequential component, or direct connection between something I have seen or experienced in life, connected to any other bad experiences in life or sufferings. That’s the misunderstanding of judging someone who is trying to help and presents themselves and does what is right, whether or not they are cued by others, who mostly try to intimidate you and convince you that you are guilty of something, and that’s when others are spacey, and you are sharp, is when you generally leave situations that seem disorganized, and to not draw attention to anyone during those moments, or indecision, or uncertainty, and that’s the point of communication, never do anything as a surprise, and never say anything without thinking things through, and never speak to anyone of importance, unless your not guilty, and anyone elses attitude toward you in life, is for personal reasons, become unavailable or busy. People expect you to stay in place, and that gives some people control over you, maybe not all other outcomes in life, but if things are not getting better, than to me that means that a change needs to be made in my life, not give up, I honestly don’t think I have time to learn an entire new profession, why I started applying for law jobs again and finished law school. If studying law was something that I was passionate about and loved, and felt a tremendous amount of peace with, then that is where I do best in law school, or focusing on my academics. If not one respects your story, or anone who has read your story without authorization as to the causes for your suicide attempt (2009) then that’s them studying you without your permission, before publishing your book. So something not mentioned was mentioned and a column put in my book with a graph paper, my first self-published book. Don’t blame me for Aurora, don’t blame me for school shootings, don’t blame me for being Jewish, don’t blame me for reporting to the US Supreme Court, don’t blame me for calling the Boulder DA, the Oklahoma DA, and the Texas DA, just recently OK and TX. It has gotten out of hand, there is not such thing as a cover up, I don’t have an attorney to talk to about my issues, or the voices I get, I only have a therapist to talk to, and I became a member of Brady, out of the goodness of my heart, because I wanted to put my good name to good use, and that was my choice. What causes death? When people fall ill due to addiction, and drugs, that hurts everyone, that’s also not the cause for more death or more sickness, even if you think the same way as they do, even if you understand their story, even if you empathize with their families, even if you know more than the general public knows about specific people, their motivations, causes for support, and social associations in life. You cannot blame someone for a dress the wore in Las Vegas (2008) by the Olsen Twins, or the only black heels available at Saks, Christian Louboutin. If its an epidemic, then its not for study for why it occurs or how it occurs, that’s the bottom line, and you don’t blame peoples identities, associations, distant relationships, connections, knowledge of identities, or reputation, as the problem, or the cause for anyone elses manifestation of hate and violence in life, don’t situate someone who is educated, performed well in school, makes friends easily, does not have a hard time finding a date, or dating in general, who lives alone, and studies, and runs everyday, trying to stay fit, its my face and my body, and if I am proud of myself, then that’s why I only took less than 10 pictures the entire time. When someone puts you down in life, that’s to blame you for things they have not said, without telling you, and thinking that that will not affect you, even if held by people you don’t know and opinion of you you cant hear, its an energy, of distrust, and that distrust eventually adds up to action, and those actions are then taken from someone who carries a negative judgement within them, and that energy carries over to people around them, why its important not to get rallied up or intense about people in life, what people think, or even waste time and energy persuading others or even yourself, that what you are feeling is real in a negative way or in turn be made to accuse anyone else of being the provider of that instability and energy that is causing you torment, or not to feel like yourself confident. So that’s an uneven exchange in life, usually resulting from a lack of clarity, and so long as you remain in that condition, it can get worse, the less you are able to say, and the more fear is instilled upon you, to disclose everything that feels like that feeling, to see if you have done anything wrong, if you have ever been scared, if you have ever felt disempowered, if you have ever felt used, if you have ever failed, if you have ever struggled, if you have ever needed help, if you have ever been not believed, or if you have ever been a source of shame or embarrassment to anyone, at whatever level of intelligence you arrived to or didn’t arrive to, and based upon what you have said past not a good enough try at presenting the best version of yourself.
#trust #stopschoolshootings #mentalhealth #heros #influencers #feelings #negativejudgments (Issue): With being too feminine online, not trying too hard in that department. Me at Age 34, not to worry, Im pretty sure they're not attracted to me, like their age group, probably a brother online. #humor was requested and liked by one Instagram post, and if I fail in that department to keep things light, then its me responsible for my condition, my outlook, my sharing, my faith, my discipline, my job, provide more answers and solutions for coping than get stuck oversharing whatever difficulties I may have ever faced: got a job! I understand that presently there is a school #stopsuicide issue, all that I can say based on my experiences, a condition that you cannot change on your own requires meds and therapy to say out loud whats bothering you, what you are having difficulty comprehending, what you are unhappy about, what scares you, what is making you said, what youre paranoid about, what you feel pressure about, what you cant change, what you need help with, who you believe in, whats hurting your comprehension of issues, and get help: call 911, I talk to them about everything scary, thats to make sure that I am not stuck thinking in the wrong about myself or anyone for that matter, make sure that my condition is reported, so that I can be assessed or treated such as going to the ER to talk, and speak to UCLA's hospital who currently represents students and patients with mental health issues, so that they can continue on in life, in private, with treatment, such as I have been treated after staying in the hospital, attending two IOPs for thought disorders, if you dont have the basics down, then its really hard to recognize when its your thinking hurting you, and thats the difficutly with getting help if you are ever being defiant, in addiction, dont listen to others, dont value how far youve come, and all the life you have left to live. Parents will always be in a rush, and the elderly will always be short tempered and give up on you quickly, the moment you become unstable, you may not be able to control if people are nice to you or supportive of you, and unless you have done something wrong, no should should ever be made to feel ashamed, and alone time, lack of socialization, or cares in the world, if people are alive and doing well, then thats the best that the well can do, everyone is feeling sidetracked at this moment in time. My best suggestion would be to attend a youth AA group, to discuss addictions if present, such as social media, eating disorders, negativity, rebellion, conspiracy, attitude, challenges, its the best place to talk you dont have to have alcoholism or addiction, or special stories to officially fit in exactly, self-harm is an issue they are supportive of stopping, and blogging etc. And its a great place to practice speaking and being supportive of others, especially in your age group, be prepared in advance, for how to take care of anyone struggling. (RIP) #stopsuicide, the son who got into "14 schools" to play football. (I was able to finish 3/4 of law school without antipsychotics, its a difficult condition to report, if you are not willing to take meds or be hospitalized and its not a permanent condition, it can be caused by any number of upsets, losses, breakups, and misunderstandings about life, not everyones life is difficult, most people have people to support them, friends and family, I was actually on the verge of being kicked out of my house, and got a job instead, everyone was fed up with me blogging, because I was not earning an income, and everyone got sick, because of photos posted online, by an older gentlemen, who did not respect my story, my recovery, my progress, the fact I graduated from law school, or dont date, not married, no kids, not an attorney, with a 10 year gap in my resume, since the last time I worked continuously for a year. The disappointment, is coming from something that cannot be changed, if you have been hurt, if you have been misidentified, and I think that was the purposes for defaming me, so that no one would feel sorry for me, so that everyone would be hard on me, so that I become a source of pain not inspiration, until I am not present in the solution, so that I dont look grateful, or I look unhappy, or I look spoiled, or I look better off, or I look like life is easy, or that wellness comes from money or education or any system of reporting, I think anything inappropriate shown online, causes harm to me, and ruins relationships and rapport with a new audience, who cannot handle any disappointment at this time, who was hoping everyone would keep improving, I think at 35, if its something I can change about myself then do so, but singing, dancing, or going back to school to get another masters, or working another job from internships.com, will not allow for anyone to think highly of me, or allow the dust to settle, criticism wise, I think the competition for insight is very assertive without explanation, and as result things can either appear in one of two ways, doing the community a service pointing out a person to be disrespected or not valued, or to respect someones privacy, and not making things about their mental health, communicate to the entire world, that everyone sees a person in this way, before anyone has become a public figure known to all, or ever having been known in a way, that discomfort be caused by being told anything different of them or about them in life. The meds I just learned cause face dysmorphia, so I may need to stop one med, in place of two others meds, and switched to adderrall, because on vyvanse I was too lacksidasical, in bed all day for the majority of 8 years unless working in a job, or shopping trying to get going again, thats what the meds do if prescribed, they dont allow you to feel good feel up, and moving is difficult to begin with, you learn how to run, without feeling up for it, and it causes you to lose your bounce in your run, you end up running closer to the ground, because the meds cause dizziness, thats if your energy gets deemed to be combative, if people know what meds youre on, then they dont care what light or switch flips, or whether you will return to being the person you were at ease, before aggravated, to someone who does not like you does not trust you, it becomes entertainment for them to see you self-harm, or become unstable, so even if its a concern, unless you are fighting with anyone about anything specific brought before a court, the thats people being street with you, who dont follow rules, who are not proper, who dont speak professionally, who easily ignore, or part ways with anyone who knows their important but no one else seeks to validate them as being important in life, because they treat people who seem confident, as small, and its not until you start processing what does not make sense, then your head hurts, and sometimes thats why people say things that you dont understand, to see if you physically can tell if you've been insulted, and thats how you get tested in life, whether you have a big head, can you be manipulated, are you present, doing well, and thats what makes it hard to date or to excel in sports or academics, so its important not to tell anyone what meds youre on, if you have ever been hospitalized, if you ever drank or tried drugs, or who you have ever hooked up with, all of which will be used to judge you, on the basis of whether you are possessive, temperamental, competitive, flirtatious, too social, inviting, not in a good place, or not professional. I think if you later become known, people generally feel good around you, and you stay the same, dont get any feel good feelings from anyone who is quicker, sharper, more energetic, or well spoken than you, is a tell tale sign that your mental health issues have been triggered, and that too much communication is not helping you but hurting you in life, so that was my mistake, to be loving, when I was well, to someone random, who later treated me as though I needed help, or negative publicity, or thought that I thought I was better than others. Im not a socialite, I was popular in high school, and college, and law school. And get bipolar dating, and when you have bipolar symptoms, they dont talk to you, you dont see them, they dont have time or compassion for you, and thats just someone who doesnt understand why you are not well, and is also not responsible for keeping you well, and assumes that its because of something you've done wrong. #understanding #theissue #athletes #schooling #applications #waitingperiods #underassessment #pressure #yourfuture #bipolar In my best opinion … a problem is solved whenever a majority of people lying outside of an issue remain unaffected by an issue, specific to a few or individuals. At what point does a solution no longer work, when a fault lies within the basis for success, or if the bases for success becomes injured. Like all things going well, there is a general feeling of presence coming from those who are doing well, and by what they are doing, things start to do well. The trouble is describing how success happens, there is no formula for allowing for exponential use of a set of terms no matter how made, under what circumstances made, be of use to others, if not of use to oneself. Whenever there is an exchange of power, whether by property, notes, or created work product, that exchange can be felt by the first possessor, the one who the work product mirrors, its creator not necessarily the sole benefactor to a single work product. So if something is mass produced, and if something is produced for all, then it’s a professionally created piece of work, to be viewable of all in reflection of everything that is going right for that person, in order for it to be made, and that’s how value is made to property, we may not see all the steps to its production, but we also don’t have to witness all the pitfalls occurring in the process of creating a representative sample, or finished work product that reflects the care that was put into accomplishing a task, to be made well, and for the purpose of making others feel well too, that’s production. When there is a road ahead, that’s always a positive sign, meaning if you are given time to think, and have room to be creative in terms of your interpretation, that means you have time to think. Whereas, in the case that something wrong occurs, that is when a producer is faced with pressure, that’s to continue to produce, in light of setback, and without responding directly to circumstances being faced, subject oneself to harm, in the process of speaking to all. You are the weight that you carry, so when it gets heavy that’s not only your body telling you that you cannot provide solution, in the appropriate prose required for understanding, means that you are not clear of what the issues are, that you are currently being faced with, let alone the issue being faced by others, upon watching a crowd, wanting to know what in response to what, you will only be as strong as you were made or trained to be in life, so while the times may be tough, not all decisions are innate, not everything is fresh in your mind, not all reminders will be remembered, not all affirmations will come to mind, and if you are taking the day as it comes, then you would understand the pressure faced by those who speak in public, who generally speak in a way, that is refreshing to others, that is helpful to others, and that is not problem centered, or wasting time highlighting problems past, that create a future heavy feeling, which is not feeling like right now is going well, and it is really no ones fault how COVID happened, all that matters is that you are alive and well now, and if you are not under any pressures in life, if you are not on a ton of meds, if you are seeing clearly, and if your thinking is sharp that means that you are doing well. It may be the case that those who are causing problems, are not experiencing problems themselves in the way that those with mental health issues suffer, when their mind is not in the right place, when they don’t have anything to say, when they have to push themselves to be smart, or when they aren’t able to complete tasks or finish goals in life, usually means that there is something wrong with a person, that may require hospitalization, right now is not a good time to wonder about the past, or why people got sick past, or why anyone is performing during COVID, all that you should be made aware of is that for whatever reasons people are laying low, is because many do not want to risk the chances of saying anything that will cause more problems, so that’s a current problem, trying to not make things worse, and not be combative or confrontational with anyone, so in order to see the positive and to have a positive outlook, requires that you don’t think too much about problems not affecting you, and only speak if you can help, sometimes its in the simple things you do, that show that you care, and if you don’t mind carrying the extra weight, then that is a risk worth taking, if it saves more lives than harm that it causes, then its okay to talk to others by hashtag, that doesn’t mean that one is challenging a side, or representing a side, or countering a side, or trying to seem stronger than a side, or trying to speak to another side, or speaking inappropriately and misdirecting people toward a problem, or toward themselves, I think if you are a good person you don’t live in fear of what needs to be said to clarify the issues, you only say what makes sense to you, without discussion of what anyones issues are other than your own, and that’s being understanding, that’s being compassionate, and that’s going out of your way to speak to a situation, that no one really has the power to talk sense to, or to provide some decent insight that can keep people busy focusing on what can be done, rather than give up and allow things to get worse, that’s not something I do, give up. -I may have lived a hard life, and that may be because of addiction, or dating, or extreme/sudden changes to my GPA, and that would be my fault, for shifting gears and focusing on the wrong things in life, you mind is important, your intelligence is important, your body is important, your reputation is important, and your track record is important. One of the most difficult concepts to understand, is people not liking you, not trusting you, and so long as you allow those few to interfere with who you are today, you will never be proud of yourself, living up to a set of terms established by those who inflict guilt, or bring up stories about you to make you feel bad about yourself, or to establish guilt, to prove that you ever have knowingly done anything wrong and become sick as a result of knowingly having been sick at the time that you were social, or hooked up with anyone, and then claim that by your intelligence, hygiene, or professional skills, or writing, exposed someone to your exposures in life, and affected their smarts, intelligence, or ability to succeed, and stupidity is not that contagious, but if you would prefer to treat someone smart as stupid, then that would be to feed your own ego about things, to displace someone who had a great life, and everything going for them in life, be made to feel bad about themselves, or be treated as guilty, as though one ever shares in a way to cause harm to anyone, including oneself. I think its important to process life, I don’t think its important for everyone to know what you have processed, or know of what you have experienced in life, no one is that successful, that you need to know their entire life in order to know whether to accept them or reject them on the basis of their associations in life, treat anyone like they have a bigger head than anyone else, or have more opportunity than anyone else has in life, I think everyone has come up by this point in time, they just raised minimum wage, so if its about not wanting to see someone have opportunities in life, no one is saying that you are jealous, or bitter, or not on someones team, it then becomes a matter of what you think a person is knowingly guilty of, what you think a person is knowingly communicating to or about, and what a person should knowingly understand how negative attentions occur, and by what means does that happen, and for what deal when made, were ever broken, with what was considered to be non-compliance as to what relationships existing public, one is expected to abide by, and that is the situation that if it can be made into a situation of fault, will be a new pressure that gets placed upon you, whether by voices, indecision, or lack of coherence, to see what you decide, when placed in a similar situation whether by your own making or the making of another, to prove that in the past, it was not voices, to argue that you do not love people and stay, or treat you as someone who loves people and leaves as though one is made well by another, then leaves a situation well, and claim that someone leaves a situation well or causes the person who is left illness, and that’s to compare a woman, to a man, and compare agreements to sexual situations, in which there is an exchange of power, identity, pride, personality, wellness, and confidence. If you are not a woman, then you would not understand at what point a woman decides to stop hooking up, stop dating, and does not see marriage or kids in their future, having a life requires wellness, and it should be for no one to decide when a woman is put out and for what reasons, remains down, no boyfriend is God, deserves the right to make a decision for a womans future by subjecting them to negative attentions, or change their genetics, their face, their chemical makeup, or intelligence abilities, and that’s the risk of dating, experiencing a change that you cannot control, then everyone convinced that they have done the right thing, and treat you as not worth having a good life, so that’s what happens to people when they are perceived to be the problem, it’s a very painful lesson in reporting, when people become defensive, and a woman gets blamed whenever she becomes sick, and then force her to explain why she is not well, you will always be judged based upon what you say, how you say it, and that will then be a memorized set of terms in the mind of someone who does not believe in you, and wishes to make a “precedent” example of you, in the negative in order to protect the identities of men, who I have never had a problem with, nor women, and that’s being outnumbered in life, having a good life, a perfect record, and in the middle of a down, not feeling well with nothing, that happens to most people after failure, needing time to think about life, be alone, get organized, and figure out where to go from there, you can only move forward in life if you are well, that will not however stop anyone from pursuing a different set of facts, make happen something to you by memorizing a detail in your story, then hurt you as though you subject men who you have had sexual encounters with, to stupidity, or embarrassment, or anything else under the moon psychologically that you feel is necessary to blame a woman for, who ever complains, or experiences mental illness, or lack of intelligence, dumbed down, if you ever feel dumbed down in life and not capable, it may not always be because of something you have done wrong, but if you ever relapse or drink then that will be exactly what you have done wrong, and that will be the reason for all respect being lost of you, and that is why people get labeled addicts, so that they are not trusted, so that people think poorly of them, so that they experience pain, so that they are not accepted, and that’s to allow for people to go their own way, without crediting where their confidence came from, what inspired them to be a better decision maker, or what provoked them to help others, so where is the solution in that, when everything is being credited everything good happening and everything bad happening, where is the power in that, when people are fighting over who represents who, who has the solution to what, and whats an imitation of what and why, and why are people who are viewed to be imitation of something good, punished and treated as criminal, if no one was punished for imitating me, and if I had a bad reaction to imitation, requiring the removal of photos from my Facebook, then that would be others reading into things too much, observing their friends, or Twitter, then observing me, and trying to figure out why everyone is well, and what is wrong with me. No one deserves to be put down in life, no one deserves to be made fun of, no one deserves to be blamed, for the decisions that anyone makes when they are feeling good, full of hope, pride, and confidence, that is when the best decisions are made, and if you don’t know how important people make decisions, then you don’t know what lives are in their hands, or why they are important, and why they make sense, and why people listen, and how they help others, and by what means they are able to provide solutions, coming from a bad place in life, you will not see the beauty in a lot of things happening in life, and so long as you force application, and understanding of a persons personal history, then that is you misinterpreting things to be about something defective in a person or a woman, to cause for those reactions which you think are suggestive of misconduct, or wrongdoing toward any person for that matter.
Timeline: January - March/April (2013) and 2015 (1) Qs, girls talking in the corner where the guy who asked for head sat, and said “please stop talking $hit” I didn’t even know who they were talking about, then was served a check outside, and started punching my head, because I felt insulted, and stopped going there. (2) Then I went to the next bar on Wilshire that was listed on a map, and went to Pourrous alone, and there was one girl sitting in the corner at the end of the bar, and I started talking about what attraction to me means, and then someone talked to me, and bought a bottle of champagne that I later hooked up with, he was from Sicily, Italy in his 30s. (3) Drinking at Qs in the daytime, and someone seated to my left in the middle of the bar, who was grumpy upon trying to talk to me, and told me that he works in Tech, we eventually bumped into each other 3 more times, and then he kissed me on my cheek and we exchanged numbers, I eventually asked his friend for his number, because he liked me. This was before I drove to Palo Alto, to check on Mark Zuckerberg, told them why I was there, and was recommended to go to his favorite bar, covered in University flags. (4) Took my sister the bar I met someone at, and then she left, and I was upset, because she didn’t seem too enthusiastic about the bar, we sat in a trolley outside, that was later moved, after she left, I punched a brick wall and my bracelet bought in Las Vegas broke, and went back for the rhinestones, because I was emotional, the bartender came out and gave me a hug while I was squatted on the ground with my knees bent, consoling me. That may have been the same night or a different night I sang outside by the trolley Keyshia Cole, two ballads, and sang in my car and recorded Boys II Men, then the last time I went there the Trolley was gone, and when I asked if anyone I knew was there I had met before, the recommended going to a live music bar: “Harvard Stone.” That is why I said “rejected” on my timeline, it was not a rejection, I was just openly emotional there, a woman who looked like Pam Anderson came up to me as asked for a cigarette. (5) I met someone, I saw again, and then one night watching CSPAN, did not get in my car and start driving without directions, then was texting living in Santa Monica, and needed to run before meeting up then didn’t meet up, he did me by phone once, and on Halloween October 31, 2015, he asked for nude photos of me, I made and sent. So that is why photos of me were taken sent, in Westwood I took photos, that were posted. If you ever feel like you are being treated like a slut, that does not give you permission, to make everyone think that you are a slut, that is self-harm, whenever you give up on being yourself, and having pride in your professionalism and your private identity, that’s having respect and then losing respect, and so long as you self-harm, during a moment when you do not feel respected or valued, then that’s you allowing yourself to look worse in life. (6) When you start working, that does not also mean breakup with your boyfriend, always in new situations you have to take the time to get to know someone else temperament, and that excitement is either liking you in a professional way, or feeling lost themselves, always be understanding of those who are older than you, who expect you to be stable and to work in a professional way at a professional pace, and to also eventually move up to a managerial position, where you are mentoring others, and providing directions and make and office feel homey, that is the usually pace of warmth in an office, things getting done, being organized, being prompt, reliable, and representing yourself and others well. (7) When you get in trouble that doesn’t mean that you are being set up for failure, only you can prevent that, and while everything may seem peculiar, you will be the last to know what the quiet is about, and so long as you comment on what things look like, and what happened to you, and cant figure out why you did well at one point and at a later point failed, it is because you went out alone, you did not finish law school, and then everyone thought that you were a reject, or a failure, or a sex addict, or someone who anyone would think of as being inappropriate, I think the main lesson is to have some filter, and to have a sense of privacy with regards to anything that seems odd to you, the point at which you lose all your power in life, of insight, is when anyone does not see the value in you, perceives you to be the problem, or does not want to be blamed, so hurts you in advance to them being viewed in any way as being unprofessional, or trying to coerce you into appearing places, in life, without understanding, what is drawing you to places, whether that be names matching, or by content, you later become connected to, allow for business to flow, for ideas to flow, for commerce to flow, and not make everything about you, before you have done anything wrong, most of life is a test, for how stupid you are, what affects you, what you become insulted by, what you have a problem with, what aggravates you, how you get upset, what you do when upset, and what you look like when you are drinking, or relapse, or in love, or dating, or self-harming, that is then how people decide to study you as though your face, output, or choices, determine any answers for anyone when coming to terms with not knowing you then knowing you, and what all that quiet was about, if you are ever not on board, that means get to know your Country, get to know the jokes, get to know what everyone knows, and learn to play along with the happiness of others, that’s basic, and if you cannot stay happy blame no one for your unhappiness in life, or failures, that no one will ever be responsible for. (8) So long as the theme is “lock out” like an NBA lock out then that will be the theme to inform you that others think of you as offensive see you as an offender see you as not belonging see you as mentally ill see you as not getting the big picture see you as problematic, see you as at fault, see you as desperate, see you as unintelligent, see you as not forgiving, see you as erratic, see you as non-compliant, see you as emotional, see you as not smart, see you not valuing yourself, and when you don’t value yourself, that will later be the reason why others do not value you, do not value your presence, do not benefit from seeing you, do not see the benefit in being around you, and do not see the benefit in helping you, talking to you, guiding you, informing you, or corresponding with you, and the point at which you are unconsolible, is when everyone is talking to everyone except for you, means that you have mental health issues, no one can solve. #bemature
Fame is not always the preferred agent of change, especially not if the same consequences result. The purpose for leadership toward any coming to be results from the basis of stability not instability. The dream therefore is not just a speech full of what we need to hear or haven’t heard yet or the solution to upheaval alone, life is not meant to be lived in an exact way. If we cant rely on our intuitions alone to make good decisions, then whos intuitions should we follow or adhere to. What you incorporate into your understandings will always be the later basis for supporting or dissuading others from belief. We can do our best to advise one another support one another, but there will always be those led astray whether by interference, drugs, alcohol, people, or even opinions for that matter. We are entering a period in time, full of resentment and question, and that’s a normal process of making deductions to questions positions of authority in life, and maybe begin to not trust those in positions of authority as knowing whats best for us, you will always be affected first and foremost by what you allow to affect you, so be sure not to convince yourself that things are worse than they are and lose sight of the possibility for things to be well again, this is a good time to rely on your faith, your principles, and whatever rules you make up for yourself, in order to survive the worst happenings in life, steer clear of discouraging those types of behaviors from talking hold of everyone. There is only so much aggravation that one can withstand being in a speaking position in life, before ones sense fail, and that occurs when you are doing well, and thrust with issues or responsibilities beyond what are your own, only take on what you can manage in life, and don’t fail to see the beauty in life, no matter what is said, no matter what is done, no matter what is heard, and no matter what is believed. I have always been someone who was raised to see the good in others, and that’s just how I am, not someone looking for a fight, not someone who fights, and not someone who criticizes anyone elses form of happiness in life, no matter who they find happiness with. That’s not being bitter, not being jealous, and not being threatened in life, and sometimes that’s all that’s needed in order for someone to feel supported by you, and without hesitancy welcome you into their life, or their heart for that matter. But the times are street, and that cannot stop anyone, from breaking your promising future, hindering you current beliefs, offset your past troubles, or allow you to bloom and become the person you are and have always been, that’s loving the wrong people in life, that’s trusting the wrong people in life, and that’s the type of karma created, that destroys lives, when someone else life puts other lives at odds, and so a distance occurs. Whenever illness takes hold, that’s a time to step back, stop what your doing, and figure out what the purposes of others are in degrading you in public, by what means, and for what result, Im pretty sure that being hurt publicly doesn’t help anyone, not Dr. Dre, not Justice Ginsberg, and not my Father, all three fell ill, the moment my life was put in the hands of another, who decided to destroy my life, while I was a top blogger online, at peace, doing well, accomplishing my goals in life, graduating, and supportive of everyone I ever came into contact with. Ask yourself when violence ensues, when shooting are rampant, when protests are everyone, when unhappiness is rising, what can you do to make things better, hurting a system of support to others is rarely the solution, you never know who anyone is connected to, whoever is being supported by, not allow the risks inherent to being disliked to pass to those unbeknowest bystanders to whatever is going well for whom and why. Not all will benefit from what is working, what is providing solution, and what is helping keep others strong, we all make choices in life, and some of us are not physically or mentally strong enough to handle downs in life, you can be open and honest about your condition, but that doesn’t mean that anyone will back off, or go out of their way to support you on a bad day, or be understanding of your losses in energy, while providing support to the majority online, liked overall, and without hesitancy known, without a bad seed in the room. That’s how defamation affects someone physically and mentally, and that’s how disappointment and distrust affects others, never forget where you come from, never forget who has succeeded before you, never forget who has advised you, never forgot who was there for you, and never forget to go back to where you came from, and do your best to help out during a time of need, own your faults in life, be honest of your mistakes, and do your best to recuperate on your own in life, without causing problems to others, including who has supported you past. No one generally is there for you during a moment of need, that’s a place only you know how to get yourself out of, when others are treating you as guilty, the problem, or not apart of the solution, if I wasn’t apart of the solution, I would not have had 17 million views walking in the door with a website half made. That’s being of value, that’s not being a problem to anyone, that’s being special, that’s being smart, its not a fluke side effect of knowing one person in common OJ Simpson. It’s a matter of hard work (8 years of writing and correspondence with the courts), showing up to court, calling the courts yourself, calling your Attorney, calling the police, reporting, getting help, going to therapy, going to AA, staying sober, staying clean, working hard everyday, writing everyday, applying to jobs, working jobs, writing books, calling Attorneys, that’s being affected and doing your best to inform others of the effect that is taking place on your life, that’s to prevent loss and destruction, and if you ever find yourself a victim of homicide, I hope and pray that you will be equally strong, in the face of disaster, in the face of odds, in the face of rejections, disdain, disappointment, or bullying, they will never be you, they will never know you, they will never understand all that you have been through, all the risks imposed to your health, and they will always be themselves outside of the problem, outside of the story, outside of your life, and outside of your mental health issues. For everyone else, everythings a joke, and a choice about who to put down next, who to blame next, who to ostracize next, who to villainize, and who to destroy, if you guys can live life leading yourselves, then don’t hurt people who have achieved in life, such as myself, and doing their best to remain diplomatic during all circumstances, hospitalized 9x bipolar, before even saying a word online, that’s being private, that’s being professional, and that’s not blaming anyone for any condition I have ever been in in which I have been at odds with anyone, that’s being understanding, that’s comprehending risk, and that’s not allowing yourself to be convinced that your mentally ill or anything that anyone can make up about you to get people to not like you in life, that’s being successful, not allowing anyone to scare you, or convince you that you are something that you are not, that’s being brave, that’s providing a voice, that’s not being selfish, and that’s being hardworking.
When you look no better than the rest, that’s to remind you that you are not special, that’s so no one notices you or changes upon seeing you made to feel good by you, so become someone in the room sensed, but who does not appear well, that’s when there is something scary about you, such as self-harming or hitting your head and that much cannot be changed about a person who self-harms, and that’s how you get treated if you have bipolar treated as mentally ill deficient and insufficient to be in a workplace that demands courtesy and sensitivity to all issues, made out to be a reckloose, not the version of yourself you remember yourself as, and thats after having worked on getting to a place in life where you are able to work again, and then being stripped of all privileges to do well in life, that’s not God taking your power away, that’s someone physically hurting your feelings like you are responsible for making them feel good and that’s taking things too far to make other women feel good by trashing some and making others feel special that’s not how you treat women in order to make other women feel good, making them alike, in “nudity,” that doesn’t simplify the issue of who steps on who in life, and who is being feminine toward whom in life, better than, you either admire women and improve in life, and if you do not feel well no one will be impressed by you and no one will be made to feel good by someone who is emotionally unstable, insecure, and has mental health issues, everyone just wants to have fun, and if they cannot have fun with you, they criticize you like you are going to have fun with someone else, treat you like a whore. Im not a whore, Im trying to figure out where I belong in life, and figure out where I will do well, and figure out how to be loved in life, and there is nothing wrong with improving yourself, not your hand in life, in order to find love and to be loved, and that’s not something you ruin the chances of, make someone feel bad about themselves for being obese or for taking meds, if the meds stop suicide, then that’s the best I can do, and that’s doing what I have been told. Im as smart as I can possibly be and Im sorry if Im not smart enough for you, or if you think life is about different things in life. And Im sorry if Im not having sex with anyone, and if anyone feels offended that I don’t wish to make a life long commitment to making someone else feel good and cheering someone else up on an individual basis, I think Im worth more than making one person feel good, I wanted to get a job, and to feel good having something to do each day, and its not about what my resume looks like, if I have not worked that’s because I have not been able to work, and because I was not mature enough to handle work situations then that is why I am not connected to anyone, and why my Ex-Bosses still keep in touch with me, its always when you are in a better place in life someone past contacts you and wants to see how your doing and that’s okay to have conversations with people about life, and how you are doing, its not a full-time job text messaging, why be glued to someone else physically and emotionally talking all day, when your time can be better spent glued to a book reading a book, and figuring out how to get a job, and what will make you feel good and feel smart again. Everyone is capable of being stupid, and everyone is capable of being harmed, and everyone is capable of being defensive, but there comes a point when you have to stop going by your feelings in life, and try to put someone light out because you think that’s the solution to preserving the light of others, to make someone “go crazy” or “get angry” to see what they do, they don’t care about what happens to you, they just want to “piss you off” and “take things too far” to see what you look like dominated by the intelligences of others who feel threatened by your own stability and sense of peace. Learn when to stop and let people work. Sometimes connecting does not help with focus, train of thought, and ALL writers are self-conscious and try hard, its not easy to do, to think, its something that occurs naturally being able to share what your heart and your mind look like and not all people are comfortable with doing that.
Originally Posted: 12-26-20 What you connect your head to counts, and when you cannot be connected to means that your head is connected to something else, that is affecting your communications with others, how someone uses your body to speak to you speak through you, or speak on behalf of someone you have helped, and then make you look like you talk about your communications as though you understand how to represent others. There is being naturally defensive, and then there is hurting someone who you think is offending your best interests which others are defensive about, not everyone has the time for love, companionship if its whats helping, there is not need to take things beyond, and how you are is always who you are in the moment, there is no such thing as acting or behaving or being a certain way to be accepted, there is no such thing as holding back who you are on the inside if its not you, then whatever you are will show up on your face, and that is what is done to you, to make you look like a “monster” or “manly” or a “pervert” or “gay” and others made to feel victim to you based upon what you know or see, claim that you become what you see, or that you think like your exposures in life, and when it all gets convoluted, where is your head, gone, and making your head feel gone, is to to say that something about you is what makes other people feel strong, and no including you is because you are not good enough to be represented by others, so appreciate things as they are, the more you make things about you, the more things become about you, and now this is the voice of someone who is trying to be gentle and when someones words are not wanted, that is being changed or insulted and then getting me to speak in a way, as though I am claiming myself down, through talking to myself online, as though I don’t have an audience of people who care which days I am not well, and which days I am well, and when it matters to them who I am connected don’t make assumptions, and treat me as traitor, or bait for the taking or misuse, as though one who is disinterested is suddenly interested and interested in making me look bad in front of the world, that is being treated as though you are insulting, and that occurs when someone is insulted by you, if I cant see you, then why am I nauseous, and it may have nothing to do with what a person looks like, and that’s not a joke I don’t change shapes and sized, my head was never small or misshaped, and my body has never been lose or not put together lop sided or obese. So I understand if people don’t like me are not attracted to me, do not think Im smart or do not believe in me, and now I sound small and now I sound immature, its always within your control, who you choose to respond to and why and it will always be what you respond to that others will think youre connected to and that’s how they think they know what your thinking, what your thinking of, what your looking at, why you look weird, what it is youre thinking that has caused you to look weird, whos spirit you’ve inherited, what things are about, what choices you have made, and who scared who in life and who was left alone in life, I was left alone in life, I lost my smarts, I was not sharp enough for a job, and I have never cared about who was making fun of me or when or why, so don’t now make that the basis for posting a photo of a sailboat, I have never been a sex addict, I have had two major boyfriends, or otherwise single, and my dating life is none of the business of anyone, what works out for me and why things are not working out. And it will always be beacsue of you appearing well and people not thinking well of you that you lose your smarts, your intelligence, you cannot stay well, you cannot cannot, you stop trying in life, and to see how dumb you are, and what can be done with someone when their mind is gone upon connecting. So that’s being attracted to wellness and speaking to it, ignore it, and stay away from people who are well, that’s how you lose your wellness and others become offended by you, there is no such thing as kinship or getting to know someone who everyone already knows and the point of things no longer become helpful is when whos happiness is at stake, someone who is not made to feel happy by you, who hurt you, because they thought there was something wrong with you, or something you have said that made them not trust you or sound like you were in a position of importance and didn’t know what you were doing in life. So that’s things going well for you, being hurt, then things not going well for you, and you not having remembered why things were going well for you, and what based upon your memory or what has said was what was keeping you well, and that’s when your life is in your own hands and no one can help you with that, not through talk therapy to your heart, whatever 911 tapes were funny to people, no matter who people thought I was or becoming, no matter what was funny then and not funny now, and when I was not smart and on Provigil being made fun of for what I looked like. So that’s how hate starts, nice, then you not connecting well or able, then them offended and making fun of you or your lack of importance or who you are in life, and that’s others living life without you, which if you don’t know them well and not well enough to connect should not feel offended by.
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AuthorLeslie Fischman Archives
July 2021
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